Things I Learned About Nursing Homes and Rehabs for the Elderly

 Life as you know it can change in two seconds.

Step the wrong way and break a bone in a foot. Fall and break a hip. Car accident. As fast as you can blink, life as you know it can change, sometimes it can feel like forever to recover. 

Recovery can go three ways: short term, long term, or never the same again - chronic.

Whether it be a nursing home where your elderly loved one will remain until they die, or a rehabilitation center to recover from their serious injury, like a broken hip, there are some things those places have in common that aren't spoken aloud or mentioned - if they are, I've been looking in the wrong places.

The commonalities I've noted in both nursing homes and rehab centers for seniors:

They are understaffed.

Staff are overworked because of it.

Third shifts have skeleton crews. If a resident is going to experience neglect, a verbally harsh caregiver or a rough caregiver, there's a good chance it'll happen then.

It is very common for residents to develop incontinence. Bodily functions wait for no one, and when there is no one to assist, or if a resident alerts a staff member and they are told they'll be back in a moment, and that moment turns into a hour, or two, the ending is the same. The resident empties into their diaper. It becomes par for the course, and they have to accept their new reality - they regress to being treated like babies - they void into a diaper.  Eventually their bodies lose the ability to control the functions. Unlike babies, there's no attentive mother or father to scoop them up as soon as it happens or noticed, and immediately take care of their needs to prevent diaper rash or other complications from sitting in their own feces for extended periods of time.  

Residents better hope they have attentive families. Why? 

Families have to provide boxes of tissues and a way of disposing of the used ones (tape a bag to the end of the table used to serve their lunches) and other basic hygiene necessities.  Put your loved one's name on EVERYTHING.

Families have to clean hair brushes of accumulated hair - if they are lucky their family member even has staff at the facility to do basic haircare.

Families need to monitor clothing - 90% of the time, their loved one's clothes will go missing, whether their name is written on them or not. Families need to commit to doing their own loved one's washing if they want it done not only right, but to make sure their loved one has clothes left to wear. Socks and underwear seem to be common casualties. 

Families need to monitor food.  Does your loved one hate coffee?  They'll usually be served it anyway. 

If the resident has gout and should stay away from beef, shellfish and other trigger foods, they'll experience increased gout pains and suffering because the facilities tend to serve food as One Size Fits All. 

Families need to monitor their loved one's food for another reason - starvation. The One Size Fits All food service also leads to residents not eating.  If they don't eat their meal, they don't get second chances. The food is thrown away and the resident has to wait for the next scheduled feeding time.  Why would the resident not eat? If your loved one despises peas, hates broccoli, is sick of mushy carrots and bland oatmeal, or is served food they never ate in regular life - they will have no appetite for it. It's quite possible that a man who enters a facility at almost 300 pounds, will drop to 267 pounds in one month.  

Families need to be prepared to bring in foods/snacks their loved one will eat to offset their lack of eating facility foods. 

If the resident suffers from Dry Eye - they'll be miserable. Being understaffed means no one pays attention and drops are hardly ever applied when they are needed most - if the discomfort is noted at all, or if the resident is even listened to. Even if they are able, residents lose their autonomy to rectify things themselves. They are 100% dependent on staff. 

Residents who are dependent on staff to put on their shoes and socks so they can do their exercises may find some staff members forgoing socks which is more than likely if the socks end up among the mysterious missing. The results are blisters from friction and those blisters may not even be noticed until they bleed and become infected.  

If families or residents have no money, they are more than likely to be treated like shit.

If the elderly resident is difficult, whether from them being hard of hearing, from mental or emotional issues, anxiety or panic attacks, are loud, opinionated or super needy, the resident is more likely to be treated like shit. 

If a rehabilitation resident is discharged on a weekend, they'll be treated like shit. No automatic support personnel or assistance to escort the patient to a family member's vehicle,  no VNA services or home care aids set up. Families can be left scrambling, trying to deal with an elderly loved one whose safety status is at risk and there's no support system in place. Especially hard when there's no money for a nursing home. And, even if there were funds available, there are no open beds in a 50 mile radius, and wait times are estimated 6-months to a year.  

After the rehabilitation center:

Be prepared - it's a parttime job to pursue all the needs of a discharged rehabilitation patient for aftercare. Support and charity agencies are overworked and overburdened with backlogs of applicants needing help and options for care are slim. Be prepared for calls not returned. 

Families need to be prepared for the rehab center to order the wrong sized bed. 

Families need to check the med list on the discharge paperwork - some medicines can accidentally be left off of the list.

Mix-ups happen.  Families can end up with a round commode instead of an oval commode ($165) and when calling to find a way to correct it, being told that the company doesn't switch out parts, you'll have to buy a whole new commode. Don't be surprised if the wrong wheelchair is delivered, that the home does not have enough care supplies for continued home recovery. Remember incontinence requires waterproof pads for the bed, chairs and in your car, and lots of adult diapers with tab closures.  A mattress protector will be needed to protect the hospital bed rental if insurance will cover it. The requirement of a ramp to even get their loved one back into their own home can cost up to $10,000, and in the case of an expedited discharge, a three day window to get it built.

Families need to be prepared for the average rate per hour for a home health aide = $35 per hour.  And the minimum commitment is six hours a day, three in the morning and three in the afternoon.  However don't be surprised if the agency pushes for an eight hour commitment.

If their family member needs 24/7 care to be safe, that requires a live-in healthcare professional. Your home will be investigated and judged by the agency as appropriate or inappropriate for a live-in option. Families need to be prepared to spend serious money to get their home up to standard to be accepted for the live-in option. Of course if your loved one does not have money, this won't be an option, and you're back to begging elder care support agencies for help. That's a part-time job too.

Those are just the highlights. 

The thing I learned about nursing homes and rehabs for the elderly: It's scary and horrifying to be old, injured, and broke. 

 

Why I Stopped Reading in the Dark

 With age comes many things like aches, pains, plenty of memories to reminisce over, changing interests and changing awareness. And, the propensity to voice opinions.

Awareness is a funny thing. A lot depends on exposure to something, either a person, an idea, a religion or an event in one's life that brings about that awareness. Sometimes it's a combination of things.

I've been a huge fan of paranormal romance for almost 25 years. In that time I have seen many a series change, growing darker and darker, pushing the envelope trying to stay 'relevant', suspenseful, interesting, exciting and dramatic.  Sex scenes became more numerous, more descriptive, again pushing the envelope into areas that used to be exclusive to the porn industry. They explored the realm of underground deviant and perverse lifestyles, basically taking their fans along for the ride. The result is that these lifestyles are now seen as acceptable because the heroes and heroines 'fall in love' in the process. It's led to readers thinking it can't be bad because it's part of the 'love process'. What is actually going on is desensitization.

Love isn't sex in all its aspects. It isn't sex at all. Nor is love a feeling; it's an action, and choices made furthering the action of loving someone - be it family, friend, potential spouse or significant other - love's actions are supposed to be for the good of another, the uplifting of another, supporting the other for their happiness. It's a mind thing as well - it's above a feeling. It's more than a feeling. Relegating love to a feeling is a disservice to its reality.

How did this awareness come about? At first, it started off as a niggle of 'suspicion'. There was this sense that what I was reading wasn't right.  I was a ginormously huge fan of Christine Feehan, as well as Laurell K. Hamilton, Katie Macalister, Sherrilyn Kenyon and Lynsay Sands, and I enjoyed books by Sandra Hill, Gena Showalter, Lauren Dane, Lori Foster, Jeaniene Frost, Harely Wylde, J.R. Ward, Tessa Dare, and Emma Holly. There's a thread that they all have in common - lust, sex, whatever you want to call it -  and over time the prevalence of showing a growing love being proved through sex.  Some included scenes more graphic than others but it accomplished the same goal.  That bedroom with a view was blown open wide and the camera angle was as close as a gynecologist gets. And yet for the longest time, I didn't see anything wrong with it. After all, it was romance.

When a reader follows a series over many years, it's a gradual development and it all seems to make sense and it's perfectly rationalized.  When the author has a blessed skillset, a true gift for their craft, a reader doesn't realize or is even aware of what is happening to their mind, their sense of morality, and the subconscious undermining or warping of the definition of a committed relationship.  All a reader knows is that the hero or heroine was saved by the love of the other. That it was 'romantic' and if there was suspense while they overcame incredible odds to reach their happily ever after - the open doorway of the bedroom was part of the exhilaration of celebration. It was the payoff. All of it, premarital.

Anyone who has read this far is probably expecting that I'm going to bring religion into the conversation. They'd be right.  The question is, how am I going to do it? And why?

The why is easy - because of my faith. Because I'm on a faith journey to mature that belief and in doing so, I've become more aware. It clarified that the initial niggles were alerts to a threat to my soul's wellbeing. The next question is, what was it that triggered the awareness?  A scene from a paranormal romance book from one of my favorite authors. It mentioned the use of powerful holy water that destroyed something completely evil.   

When I first read the story, I didn't enjoy it as much as others I have devoured in the past.  I didn't understand why, I only knew I didn't like it. Then a half year or so later, I read it again, but with new perception.  The holy water scene was devoid of what makes holy water ...well...holy. There is only one religion on this earth that is capable of blessing water to make it holy, and only one kind of person that can bless it and make it holy - a Catholic priest. It's a Catholic thing. Not only that, holy water is a sacramental. It is water blessed by a priest to impart God’s blessing on those who use it. That is where the power comes from. That scene now rings hollow because the author uses the power of something without acknowledging what makes it powerful in the first place. There will be some readers that might argue that it's just fantasy, it's fiction, that authors are allowed creative liberties and doesn't do any harm, and that readers should apply willing suspension of disbelief and advise people like me to just shut up and enjoy the story. That's a no-can-do. 

Why? Why do I have to say anything about this topic at all? Because if I don't say anything, readers who have no exposure to the idea, concept or reality of holy water will not be aware of just how truly special, powerful and important holy water is; nor of its significance. They won't understand why any author that incorporates its use in a supernatural way devalues it and actually robs it of the power they claim it has because they don't associate it with a bona fide religion. Holy water is used in exorcisms. It makes sense that the author used it to help destroy something evil.  The use of holy water in the movies I have seen correlates with Catholic priests, heirs of the apostolic Tradition. Sure, there are Protestant ministers that try exorcism but if they can't handle cases of possession, I've read that they refer them to the Catholic Church for expulsion. There's a reason for that.

Now that most of the series I followed are venturing more and more into the occult, playing around with souls, controlling nature and fighting demons, all without the actual tools that would make it plausible, without any nod to God's power but highlighting only man's, and with the addition of explicit sex scenes, those series are hell-bent on leading readers away from one or more of the ten Commandments - a list of universal moral laws that guide a healthy society. Is it intentional on the authors' parts?  I highly doubt that. Everything I've read about some of my favorite authors confirms that they're nice people who love their families and friends and who certainly care for their readers. That doesn't immute the fact that their stories' content affects readers' minds and leads them away from God. All I have to do is read some of their fans' reviews to see the truth. Heck, all I have to do is read some of my own written reviews to see I was no different.  What changed was my awareness, and I stopped reading not only Christine Feehan's Dark series, but anything dark. 

When Emma Holly started writing about an angel having sex, and pushed the envelope further by exploring an M/M relationship - that struck a nerve and I stopped reading her books. I wasn't bothered by the sex scenes for the longest time.  I thought more was better and Emma Holly delivered. But when she started using and warping a heavenly being the way she did, that was another lightbulb moment. 

When LKH wrote about a relationship with a borderline underaged character - were-animal or not - and rationalized it out, that made me uncomfortable. Add in the growing multitude of partners, justifying it all for the sake of the story and continuation of the series, reading ceased to be a joy. The initial books in the series had a solid delineation of good vs evil. That's all but gone. Supposedly Anita was a 'believer' and there's a mixture of religion in the series, like when her cross would get hot, or other references of religious power that Anita wielded when it was convenient to the storyline. That's all well and good, but again, it leads readers to contemplate, whether consciously or not, that a crucifix or holy water are equated to magical talismans, as magic on command and demand. Great for effect but does a disservice overall because the cumulative result is a loss of awareness, a desensitization to wrongness.

My favorite genre, paranormal romance, has gone to the dark side. Someone is going to think, 'but it's aways been that way, that element has always been there', and they'd be right. However, I believe that it's gotten darker over the past ten years.  Look at Christine Feehan's two latest series - the Shadow series and the Torpedo Ink series. Look at the plots. Have you read them? Yes, she's skilled and talented and a wonderful wordsmith. It's the pervasive and increasing darkness that is weaving through all of her new works that saddens me. It scares me too because no one sees or cares how some of those themes can have a negative impact on vulnerable or susceptible minds. How easy it is to get caught up in it, especially when publishers are encouraging it, too. There are way too many writers that are falling into this trap. I mention Ms. Feehan because she was my favorite for many, many years and I've spent a good chunk of change feeding my Dark addiction. 

To use a corny and overused cliche, I've seen the light. 

It wasn't an overnight or sudden enlightenment.  Nor has it been an easy change because I'm still going through it.  I continue revamping and reevaluating my keeper shelf and my reading choices.  It pains me to get rid of over 150 books, some even author-signed, with more to cull I'm sure, and realize a chapter in my life is closing. I've been on this truth-train for two years and it's been uncomfortable. It IS uncomfortable. I'm sure it will continue to be so but I believe and know it's in my best interests to persevere. 

What has helped?  Well, I'm sure you expect me to say my parish priest, and you'd be right, although there's been three of them so far.  All with different perceptions and viewpoints, and like steps on a garden path - they've helped me move forward. Then there are the books I've checked into. 

The most profound and helpful is a book written by Mother Angelica from EWTN - Mother Angelia's Answers, Not Promises. She's funny, insightful, and tackles the hard questions with wisdom and a relatability that is penetrating my hard head. It has a warm delivery like from a friend who cares, and she wants her readers to have a relationship with God - one that gets us away from hell and into Heaven. In this book she addresses questions I never thought to ask, didn't know I needed to or should. I've been so blinded by all the books I've read.  And I'm telling you, Mother Angelica is spot on when she says that ideas and concepts through books, movies and radio have lasting effects and can color how you interpret a situation through that colored lens. 

How can this be possible? 

Try this example. Years ago, at weddings, or even at parties or proms, if there were single girls who wanted to dance, they, and society, thought nothing of them dancing together.  Dancing was dancing. It was fun and you were with friends and it was a celebration of music and joy. Innocent. 

Now-fast forward to 2024. You see two girls dancing together and what is the first thing you think?  Do you label what you see?  Do you form an opinion? Do you classify and accept it as innocent like folks used to do in years gone by, or do you automatically interpret the relationship and label it?  I bet you do. Our lens isn't as simple, easy or innocent as it once was because of what we've heard, seen and read these past fifteen years or so. 

That proves to me that when a mind is fed darkness through stories or by watching dark films, the perception of what a person sees and hears can be colored by a lens that includes that information. It becomes part of the subconscious mind.  

I'm not saying that we should go back in time to the old ways. There's a lot that needed to be changed and improved.  What I am saying is that a lack of discernment on what one reads, sees or listens to has a much more profound effect than people realize. 

The question then becomes - and for which I have no answer for - how does one teach discernment to tweens and teenagers when the dark influences in society have a louder voice because they are a LOT more fun and can be found everywhere they turn?

One opinion is to steer them away from dark paranormal fiction similar in vein to the Twilight series - it's a gateway. Werewolves and were-bears, vampires, witches, mages and warlocks, tarot cards, Ouija boards, fairies and Djinn, psychics and crystal balls, all sound like they're part of a silly make-believe world, full of adventure and break-the-rules possibilities - but like icebergs, they may be 'white' and pretty on top, but that underside is dark, deep, huge and deadly. 

 My friends, isn't it time to escape the dark?

I Tried a Book Out of My Comfort Zone

Sometimes, reading out of my comfort zone is ... well, uncomfortable.

The blurb of the book sounded rather interesting.

The Fate of Mercy Alban by Wendy Webb (Author), Kirsten Potter (Narrator), Blackstone Audio, Inc. (Publisher) It was an Audible Audiobook – Unabridged

Grace Alban has spent 20 years away from her childhood home, the stately Alban House on the shores of Lake Superior - for reasons she would rather forget. But when her mother’s unexpected death brings Grace and her teenage daughter home, she finds more than just her own personal demons haunting the halls and passageways of Alban House. Long-buried family secrets, a packet of old love letters, and a lost manuscript plunge Grace into a decades-old mystery about a scandalous party at Alban House during which a world-famous author took his own life and Grace’s aunt disappeared without a trace. That night has been shrouded in secrecy by the powerful Alban family for all of these years, and Grace realizes her family secrets tangle and twist as darkly as the hidden passages of Alban House. Her mother was intending to tell the truth about that night to a reporter on the very day she died. Could it have been murder, or was she a victim of the supposed Alban curse? With the help of the disarmingly kind - and attractive - Reverend Matthew Parker, Grace must uncover the truth about her home and its curse before she and her daughter become the next victims.

One thing I can say - the writing was good. The atmosphere was at times, spooky, exciting, interesting and surprising.

I started to like the story until, I didn't.

I'm not a fan of witchcraft because it's inherently full of pitfalls, like pit, evil, negative, scary and rather depressing.

I looked at some reviews and I agreed with one of them. The mystery was solid, the clues were riviting and it's rather Gothic in nature. But, it really didn't need to be warped by the supernatural angle. The mystery could have stood on its own. I agree with that statement.

I enjoyed discovering that the old house didn't just have a couple of secret passageways, it was riddled with them. It was fascinating. Until I later discovered how effective they were for someone with ill intent.

Eventually, all the secrets are revealed, the villian is dead, and a family can finally look towards the future.

The Fate of Mercy Alban was 42 chapters of revelations, horrors, surprises, shocks and a rather tame romantic theme.

What left a very sour taste and left an unpleasant sensation in my brain, was the epilogue.

This is a spoiler so don't read any more if you intend to read the story.

*******

The evil pouring out of the book to seduce, warp and corrupt two innocent young girls, girls that up until that point were well-loved by their families, were kind of sweet, and shown to have genuine caring and sympathetic personalities, was a vile and sick way to end this book. I was not happy. I was actually disgusted. If that was supposed to hint at a sequel, I won't read it.

Especially after what I went through learning all about the actual fate of Mercy Alban.

If I had to pick anything from this story that was truly horrific and earned the moniker of a supernatural horror story, the epilogue condensed it in a nutshell. Right before the end of the last chapter, the heroine of the novel, Grace Alban, makes a remark that forshadows the epilogue.

Do you know what this kind of ending feels like?

The ending of the 1977's Empire of the Ants. Just when they thought they made it. After going through the guantlet, after fighting to survive against incredible, stacked-against-you odds, they failed. All of it was WORTHLESS! The evil ants WIN. A giant WASTE of my time!!! Why did I bother watching this???

You know, except for Star Wars, 1977 was a sucky year.

Why do I say that? 1977 also brought The Kingdom of the Spiders with William Shatner.

Guess what? EVERYONE DIES even after valiant attempts to survive. The spiders WIN! WHY do people call the end of civilization by creepy crawly means, entertainment?

Another giant WASTE of my time. Why did I bother watching this??? Oh, yeah. That's right. William Shatner. Ha.

Seriously though, The Fate of Mercy Alban gave me the same sensation once I finished the book.

I'm a reviewer. I'm supposed to not give spoilers. If I'm too negative or snarky, they can't use my review. But how can I express what drove me nuts without saying WHAT got my goat?

That means I write about the story on my blog. I don't get too many readers here anymore because I'm sporadic at best about posting blog posts. But this book upset me so much, it drove me to write this post. I had to put it here because no way could I do this in my 'official' capacity. It's a bit too opinionated, and it leaves a visitor with the impression that I ended up not liking this book.

They'd be right.

Realizing Mortality

 I'm getting old. Old enough to look a bit more on the past because there's more of it than a guaranteed future. 

Yes, many people, friends and relatives, have passed on. It's only natural. It might be 'natural, but that doesn't mean it comes without pain. 

Family members who were in their 80s and up, well, it's to be expected. If they were an intimate, integral part of your life, then there's deep feelings and emotional pain and loss. If not, feelings are muted. They're there, obviously, but not necessarily crippling. 

When you grow up, move away, get married, have kids, your family focus shifts closer. 

For those with distance between them, not having seen them for 20 or 30 years tends to minimize the loss, because you've basically been living without them affecting your daily life. There's sadness but the pain isn't as harsh because you've been distanced from them. There weren't fresh memories made; they haven't come by to give hugs or do anything tangible or physical to reinforce a closeness.  All you have are memories of what was. All you have is remote contact via Facetime, Facebook, letters, texts, Instagram or the old-fashioned phone call. It's not the same as a hug. It's not the same as when you experienced smells, sights, sounds, touch, music, laughter, hugs, tears and more hugs, person to person, face to face, together making new memories all the time. With COVID, being together is made almost impossible. Being together is an effort that is thwarted by local municipal and governmental overreach. It's made it easier to stay apart from each other, diminishing that sense of emotional connection. Isolation is a real thing. 

Recently, I realized a closer feeling of mortality when my friend of over 40 years died after a 5-year fight with tongue and throat cancer. It's an insidious disease and its toll is heartbreaking. Yet, due to modern medicine, she was able to stay on this earth to experience some wonderful times at her high school reunion and got to dance with someone she had the biggest crush on in high school.  She was able to spend more time with her kids and grandkids. Even though towards the end, she could no longer speak, the final good news of being presented proof that one more grandchild was on the way - something she worried would not happen while she lived - made her day. That big ultrasound picture caused a lot of jumping around, smiles and wild gesticulating that left no doubts as to how happy and joyous she felt at the news. 

I share the above paragraph because there's more and more of a push for doctor assisted suicide being made legal in the US. Some states have it already (California, Colorado, Hawaii, Maine, Montana, New Jersey, to name a few)  and more on trying. Slippery slope folks. Or, if our  health care industry is socialized, we'll end up like England where they prevented a set of parents from taking their kids, Alfie Evans and the other, Charlie Gard, out of the country. The US and another country had the medical expertise and technology and the willingness to intervene in order to try to save their lives. Early intervention could have possibly given them a chance at a better quality of life once they were saved, if they could be saved. Certainly, they had a much better chance here than in their own country. England's courts deliberated and pondered and argued and decided that death was more beneficial, more humane for the children than life. Over there, parents no longer have the right to fight for the life of their children. The government and courts can take over decisions of life or death. I guarantee you more death than life will be the result if such a healthcare system is adopted here in the U.S. There are those that want to bring that authoritarian view of life and death over here to make us like everyone else. 

We were a country that valued life. We fought for life, its dignity and sovereignty because it is a gift from God, not man. 

Every time man plays god, he screws it up and the whole world suffers. However, when we pursued life, medical breakthroughs abounded, there were more inspiring stories of man helping their fellow man in times of crisis. Crisis will always be a part of the human condition, but instead of responding with a willingness to fight for life, doctor assisted suicide is the next step in the unwillingness to fight for life and instead, embrace practices that prefer the ease of death - it saves insurances money, it prevents a burden on our tax dollars ... money? It comes down to money?  Is that all there is between life and death of a human being, how much money is saved if a human is left to die, or hastened onto death?  When did THAT become more important than life? 

Are there times one wishes they could die? We're human, of course there is. Extreme pain, depression, sickness - my goodness, there are a ton of reasons why death seems preferable. My belief in God, the light, the way and giver of life, is my strength to give Him the ultimate authority over me. Easy? Heck no. I'm human. There are passages in Scripture, in the Bible, that provide a different way of looking at life's pain and sufferings. Think of the pain Jesus went through as they tortured him all the way until he died on the cross. He endured that pain for us, for a purpose - he sacrificed himself for our sins to be forgiven, to open the gates of Heaven back up to us that were closed. Jesus suffered pain and humiliation. For us. In that he also showed us how to look at pain and suffering differently. Instead of focusing inwards, on how much it hurts, we are encouraged to look outwards - to use the pain as an offering as he did. Offering it up for the souls in Purgatory, for the benefit of someone other than ourselves. Not to be a martyr, modern medicine exists for a reason, but to find the courage, strength and endurance to accept the human condition and let God work through you until he calls you Home. 

For some, the above paragraph will make absolutely no sense. I'm not writing this to change a mind, more to remind myself that I shouldn't be afraid of my mortality no matter how it ends. There is an end goal, and that's Heaven.  I'm reminded of that when I talk to my mom. I still have her on this earth but I can see time is taking its toll on her health. I still have my dad, but if doctor assisted suicide were already the law of the land, the focus on saving money over saving a life, the decision to fight for my dad's life when he had heart failure wouldn't have happened.  At one point, he was close to death. In another country, he would have been left to die. In THIS country, they fought for him to live and we've had the blessing of his being with us 3 more years and counting. There have been many celebrations, and laughter and yes, even lots of tears during that time, but I still have my dad. 

I prefer my mortality to be decided by God, not from man's governments, courts or companies and their propensity to look through the lens of monetary loss or gain. I'm more than that. I'm a child of God. Let my time be His decision, not a human’s.

 

 

 

 

Book Discovery: A Winter Wedding

This is a novel that was published in 2014 but I only recently discovered it. I guess it's a good thing because my reading it now is during a period of time when I'm less anomored of the books I've recenly tried to read and I was hoping for something to lift my spirits.

It's my observation that there is a lot more sex in stories than there needs to be. Perhaps that is why I liked this story by Amanda Forester so much - there was only enough to prove the burning passion between them. There is the temptation, a scene filled with a taste of the forbidden, then the final capitulation resulting in expressions of love and sealing their marriage commitment. The element that the author included, and for which made a favorable impression, was the heroine's turning to her faith during times of insecurity, confusion and seeking guidance. It's not heavy-handed at all. It reads as natural as a person thinking about anything else when being in a situation of unusual uncertainty and stress.

This is the blurb: This adventurous duke...has met his match The Duke of Marchford requires a suitable bride, but catching spies for the Foreign Office takes up most of his time. Not wanting to face another London season as an eligible man, he employs the notorious Madame X to find him a match.

Miss Penelope Rose knows the rules of marriage among members of the ton better than most. Her own unsuccessful attempts at matrimony did not stop her from becoming London's most exclusive matchmaker. Marchford proves to be a difficult client, but as he draws on her social expertise to help him flush out a dangerous traitor, they find that falling in love may be the riskiest adventure of all.

The weird part is that I didn't read the blurb. I just picked up the book and started reading. It wasn't the cover, the author or anything else that prompted me to try it out. The book was passed down from a friend, and since I trust her judgement and have always liked her reading choices in the past, I figured that there was a good shot I'd like it. I, in fact, adored it!

I enjoyed the strong female character, the stubborn hero, the hero's opinionated grandmother and a few other unnamed secondary characters that will remain anonymous because of their roles in the plot. A plot, I may add, that is solid, well-thought out and thoroughly entertaining and thrilling.

If readers of this blog post are romance readers, like a bit of romantic suspense, a story light on sex and heavy on seduction, titillating scenes, near misses and a satisfactory moment of completion, with some explosions, spies, daring-do and close call rescues, then this book should hit all the right buttons.

This might be a novel from 2014, but it's a great read for 2021 too!!

Enough With the Talking Toe Nails!!!

 

Warning - this is a gripe session - about television commercials.

First, I'm going to date myself by remembering fondly the commercials of my youth.   There were songs - Oh, I wish I was an Oscar Myer Weiner ...  Or Bologna   or Ho Ho Ho Green Giant

or, Libby, Libby Libby on the table, table, table, 

There were exclamations - Anthony!  Anthony! for Prince Spaghetti.

There was hunkalicous!  And romantic! (okay, yeah, I like Tom Selleck, but he gave good commercial!)

Nowadays, I DESPISE most of what I see.  

I am seriously squicked-out by talking open wounds or toe nails, or walking, talking boxes for mail-in poop samples, haunting, stalking digital stomachs, or any talking face dubbed onto a body part like a hand or finger. It doesn't amuse me - it annoys me. 

Don't even get me started on that stupid Bath Fitter commercial where the mom is taking a bubble bath behind the 'daughter spokesperson' and demands 'FRESH towels' while there is a stand of perfectly and artistically rolled towels next to the tub. ::rolls eyes::  (and no matter how hard I tried, I never could get bubbles that Tall and Thick! ) 

Then there are commercials with actors playing annoying problems like dandruff - I guess people think it's funny but I don't. 

But - give credit where credit is due - not all old commercials were palatable - take Slim Jim for example. That was simply freakish and scary.

This one about IT issues  is a toss up between insulting, annoying and WTH? 

You can change a channel to escape a show you don't like, but those commercials follow you everywhere!!!!

Then there are the commercials that think they're being funny but they insult our intelligence.  I've noticed that they believe they can subliminally pass off a suggestion onto viewers thinking they won't catch the subtle nuance endorsing a dubious societal quirk as normal, when it most definitely should not be and isn't. 

Short of sitting in a chair, watching television with my laptop open in preparation for catching a specific commercial when it airs, I'm writing this as a generality and from memory because I don't want to sit and waste more braincells watching a television show JUST for the commercials. All I'm doing  is sharing my opinions about the drivel commercials are plugging into their dialogue or visuals that endorse stupidity of the masses. What they 'think' of as funny, is actually stupidity, the unfunny kind.  The original Three Stooges was smart stupid-funny - they used clever quips and word puns and there was actually a devious intelligence behind a lot of their skits - Paris-sites, Baron of Gray Matter - funny.  Today's commercials can only dream about being clever funny.  Instead they make us out to be idiots.  

The propensity for flooding the airwaves with drug commercials is the stuff of nightmares.  Not the medicines themselves, but all the listed side-effects.  Seriously, some of them, like 'thoughts of suicide', death, heart problems, seizures, etc,, are oftentimes worse that what they're treating. Thing is, are they inundating us with commercials with the purpose of utilizing the masses as further research subjects?  Talk about cheap options for continued drug trials - get the people to willingly submit themselves as unpaid test subjects. That's how watching those drug commercials makes me feel. 

The most egregious are the commercials for movies.  No longer do I see actual hooks to grab a person's curiosity. No longer am I able to get an idea of what the movie is about.  Hardly ever do I see anything rated G or innocently cute, adorable yet intellectual.  What do I see?  Violence. Extreme violence using explosions, guns, physical aggression, anger, vindictiveness, rage, and more gun violence. That's it. That's practically all they show. It's laughable how high-on-their-horses politicians are about gun violence when Hollywood glamorizes and showcases it in a positive light. Need to solve a problem? Use violence. Retribution equals shooting someone. If you're angry, feel slighted or were wronged? Shoot them after beating the snot out of them.  THAT kind of commercial is a constant barrage on television, every danged day. Violence SELLS - movies, newspapers, news programs and television shows. They think guns are the problem? Where the heck do they think the idea STARTS??? It's fed multiple times a day during commercials.

There's more I can say. Perhaps I'll edit this blog post when I see something while I actually have my PC open. I can then provide more specific examples.

Seriously, though. Enough with the stalkeri-sh behavior of inanimate objects and body parts come to life in order to sell us stuff. It doesn't work for me. It turns me off and makes me want to tune out.

I prefer to listen to audiobooks. No stupid commercials. 

And, there is another reason I wanted to do this post now versus later. I saw that Blogger is not going to offer the option of the widget that alerts people who actually do follow this blog, even as sporadic as it is, to something I've posted so it's at least seen, by someone. Once that widget is shut down, it's over, I'll be posting for myself, I guess.  But then again, when I started blogging, I basically was.  Some things seem to come full circle, don't they? 

 

The Art of Wonder

 

I credit the Curio Collection at Jacquie  Lawson for the discovery of an ancient art form I had never heard of. 

I am having SO much fun, and creating them after a long day of work and data entry is calming and kind of therapeutic.  So, below are a few examples.  Enjoy.

The Mackenzie Books vs. Audio

Even though I've recently been made aware of the controversy about Audible's ill treatment of authors, I already had a subscription.  I hadn't used it in a bit so I had 3 credits in the bank, so to speak.  Of course I snapped up the next three books in the Mackenzie family: Lord Mac, Cameron and Hart, the Duke of Kilmorgan.  After listening to them back to back, I figured out something. 

Of course, other fans may not agree with my opinion but I'm going to say this anyway. The rest of the books in audio format are tedious. Why would I say that especially after I waxed poetic over Ian's story? 

Perhaps it was the narrator, but I don't think that's entirely true. To expound on the vocals of the men, for Ian's story, all the brothers were present and the narrator had to give them specific voices to clearly differentiate them.  I continue to believe she did a bang-up job.  However, the voice for Cam (The Many Sins of  Lord Cameron) didn't sound the same as in Ian's book.  Hart's voice (The Duke's Perfect Wife) was more in line to his personality, and remained strong and deep during Lord Mac's story in Lady Isabella's Scandalous Marriage, and Cam's in The Many Sins of Lord Cameron. I was pleased and relieved to hear Ian's voice remained true for all of them.  Overall, I give Ms. Dawe her due. Her skill with male voices is more impressive and effective than some male narrators attempting female voices. If it's not the narrator, that leaves the writing. 

What all three have in common is the telling. I'd read the books in print and I enjoyed them. Maybe it's been awhile, maybe my tastes have changed or I'm more aware, but whatever the reason, I found myself disappointed and a bit let down. When reading a novel, whether it be in print on paper or on an eReader, I can skip parts that I realize I don't need. For example, the excerpts of past newspaper clippings that start each chapter in Lady Isabella and Mac's story; they annoyed me. I couldn't jump past them in audio format. The sex scenes were also harder to skip in audio than in print.  Skipping means the story moved at a faster pace.  I think I must have skipped parts of scenes at some point when I was reading the print books. Even saying that, I have fond memories of the print books from the past. Unfortunately, I won't be saying the same for the audio versions. I thought them slow and bogged down with telling. 

The more I think on it, the more I believe that the narrator did the best she could with the material. There's a ton of introspection, internal dialogue and description. With Hart and Eleanor's romance, annoyance is the predominate feeling, especially at the end when Hart finally opened up about his dark desires. All that buildup and it fizzles. The loud thought in my head at that point - "That's it?  That's all there is? That is considered the dark secret that he couldn't tell the heroine through the entire novel?"  There is more eroticism in the descriptions of Mac's paintings of Isabella than the climactic scene with Hart and Eleanor.  

There are highlights though. Like when the author wrote scenes with drama, suspense and action - they were well done and gripped my emotions. Those scenes woke me up, made me pay attention and ensured I was 100% engaged. I wanted more of that level of intensity and involvement but it wasn't there. Ms. Ashely has the talent to get the job done, but it didn't translate well to audio.  That was a revelation to me, you know.  It made me realize that not all books are strong enough to transition into audio format. There's a needed balance between narration and action, less introspection and more doing and dialogue to be successful in audio, and nothing made that more clear to me as when I listened to the three Mackenzie romances. 

I don't regret listening to them. I wanted all the brothers to have their HEAs, especially when it's finally revealed just how vile and mean their father truly was. How they came to be men of honor, protective and passionate, is all due to Hart's influence. There is still much to recommend in reading all the Mackenzie brother's romance stories, but if you can borrow them from your library's audio files, then that's the way to go instead of buying them outright. Take them for a spin and see if they're worth buying and keeping. 

What redeems them is Ian. Ms. Ashley created a character that is endearing, wonderful and engaging. I'm of the opinion that Ian is the glue that holds everything together.  It's not a wonder then, why, even though I don't find the other audiobooks to be on the same wow level, that I am still glad I bought and listened to the books. As I "watch" Beth and Ian continue their HEA as life goes on during the series, I continue to be grateful to the author for creating them in the first place. 

So, there you have it. Not all print books are strong enough to transition into audio format. Even a great narrator can't change that.