Wednesday, June 21, 2006

It ain't heavy - I need a break

Intellectual questions are well and good, but they don't often bring smiles.
Time to correct that. Let's visit my email and share a few that brought ME smiles.


Once upon a time, a girl asked a guy, "Will you marry me?"
The guy said"No",
and the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook, stayed skinny,
and farted whenever she wanted.
The End

Some examples of why our
country is in trouble!

No kidding!! (After reading these, you hope they ARE)

1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat so that
her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. (On an

2. I got a call from a candidate's staffer, who wanted to go to Capetown.
I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport
information, then she interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you
look stupid, but Cape town is in Massachusetts," Without trying to make
her look stupid, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts,
Capetown is in Africa," Her response - click.

3. A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida
package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando.
He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that's
not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied,
"Don't lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state!"

4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife who asked, "Is it possible to
see England from Canada?" I said, "No." She said, "But they look so
close on the map."

5. An aide for a cabinet member once called and asked if he could rent
a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had
only a 1-hour layover in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to
rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will
need a car to drive between gates to save time."

6. An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how
it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 am and got
to Chicago at 8:33 am. I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of
Illinois, but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones.
Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that.

7. A New York lawmaker called and asked, "Do airlines put your
physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to
whom?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I
checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said
"FAT", and I'm overweight. I think that's very rude!" After putting
her on hold for a minute while I looked into it (I was laughing) I
came back and explained the city code for Fresno, CA is (FAT), and the
airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

8. A Senator's aide called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii.
After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to
fly to California, and then take the train to Hawaii?"

9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who asked,
"How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he
meant, to which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but
none of these planes have numbers on them."

10. A lady Senator called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, Florida.
Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?" I asked if
she meant fly to Pensacola, Fl. on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah,
whatever, smarty!"

11. A senior Senator called and had a question about the documents he
needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about
passports, I reminded him that he needed a visa. "Oh, no I don't. I've
been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double
checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him
this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they
have accepted my American Express!"

12. A New Mexico Congresswoman called to make reservations, "I want to
go from Chicago to Rhino, New York." I was at a loss for words.
Finally, I said, "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" Yes, what
flights do you have?" replied the lady. After some searching, I came
back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the
country and can't find a Rhino anywhere." The lady retorted, "Oh,
don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" So I
scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't
mean Buffalo, do you?" The reply?
"Whatever! I knew it was a big animal."

Now you know why the
Government is in the shape that it's in!

No visuals tonight - too many words already.

Have a great Thursday!


Annalee Blysse said...

FAT... Fresno. LOL!

My coworker and I that started working together hit our 3 month anniversary yesterday. We started working on 3/20. I told him something like man the last 3 months have gone by fast and he said no... we've been here 4 months. I shook my head and said no... just three. He said, "No... March, April, May and June... 4 months". I said, "Oh, I forgot about May." And left it at that. :)

Annalee Blysse said...

Oh, anyway... I don't think he realizes I was being a bit sarcastic. I basically convinced him I forgot about May.

Brandy said...

Good grief! More reason to worry about the country. It does explain SO many things though!

Bailey Stewart said...

I saw some of these a few years ago - that's the one saving grace, at least they were compiled over different time-periods. LOL

Kelli McBride said...

Oh Lord but these are funny! Thanks for the laugh.

Rayke said...

Oh. My. God.

Are you serious? Some of those have to be fake. A train to Hawaii...?!?

I feel nauseous.

Gangadhar said... funny...Enjoyed the post verymuch...

btw how's you Michele

Robin Caroll said...

Very funny! I enjoyed!

No, haven't dropped off the face of the planet, just caught in a whirlwind of activity!

Hope all is well with you!

Michele said...

Wow, Robin, you're right. LONG time no see. Glad all is well.

Annalee, Brandy, Bailey, Kelli, Rayke, Gangadhar!! So thrilled to hear you got some "happy" from this post.

Thanks for stopping by everyone!!!