Realizing Mortality

 I'm getting old. Old enough to look a bit more on the past because there's more of it than a guaranteed future. 

Yes, many people, friends and relatives, have passed on. It's only natural. It might be 'natural, but that doesn't mean it comes without pain. 

Family members who were in their 80s and up, well, it's to be expected. If they were an intimate, integral part of your life, then there's deep feelings and emotional pain and loss. If not, feelings are muted. They're there, obviously, but not necessarily crippling. 

When you grow up, move away, get married, have kids, your family focus shifts closer. 

For those with distance between them, not having seen them for 20 or 30 years tends to minimize the loss, because you've basically been living without them affecting your daily life. There's sadness but the pain isn't as harsh because you've been distanced from them. There weren't fresh memories made; they haven't come by to give hugs or do anything tangible or physical to reinforce a closeness.  All you have are memories of what was. All you have is remote contact via Facetime, Facebook, letters, texts, Instagram or the old-fashioned phone call. It's not the same as a hug. It's not the same as when you experienced smells, sights, sounds, touch, music, laughter, hugs, tears and more hugs, person to person, face to face, together making new memories all the time. With COVID, being together is made almost impossible. Being together is an effort that is thwarted by local municipal and governmental overreach. It's made it easier to stay apart from each other, diminishing that sense of emotional connection. Isolation is a real thing. 

Recently, I realized a closer feeling of mortality when my friend of over 40 years died after a 5-year fight with tongue and throat cancer. It's an insidious disease and its toll is heartbreaking. Yet, due to modern medicine, she was able to stay on this earth to experience some wonderful times at her high school reunion and got to dance with someone she had the biggest crush on in high school.  She was able to spend more time with her kids and grandkids. Even though towards the end, she could no longer speak, the final good news of being presented proof that one more grandchild was on the way - something she worried would not happen while she lived - made her day. That big ultrasound picture caused a lot of jumping around, smiles and wild gesticulating that left no doubts as to how happy and joyous she felt at the news. 

I share the above paragraph because there's more and more of a push for doctor assisted suicide being made legal in the US. Some states have it already (California, Colorado, Hawaii, Maine, Montana, New Jersey, to name a few)  and more on trying. Slippery slope folks. Or, if our  health care industry is socialized, we'll end up like England where they prevented a set of parents from taking their kids, Alfie Evans and the other, Charlie Gard, out of the country. The US and another country had the medical expertise and technology and the willingness to intervene in order to try to save their lives. Early intervention could have possibly given them a chance at a better quality of life once they were saved, if they could be saved. Certainly, they had a much better chance here than in their own country. England's courts deliberated and pondered and argued and decided that death was more beneficial, more humane for the children than life. Over there, parents no longer have the right to fight for the life of their children. The government and courts can take over decisions of life or death. I guarantee you more death than life will be the result if such a healthcare system is adopted here in the U.S. There are those that want to bring that authoritarian view of life and death over here to make us like everyone else. 

We were a country that valued life. We fought for life, its dignity and sovereignty because it is a gift from God, not man. 

Every time man plays god, he screws it up and the whole world suffers. However, when we pursued life, medical breakthroughs abounded, there were more inspiring stories of man helping their fellow man in times of crisis. Crisis will always be a part of the human condition, but instead of responding with a willingness to fight for life, doctor assisted suicide is the next step in the unwillingness to fight for life and instead, embrace practices that prefer the ease of death - it saves insurances money, it prevents a burden on our tax dollars ... money? It comes down to money?  Is that all there is between life and death of a human being, how much money is saved if a human is left to die, or hastened onto death?  When did THAT become more important than life? 

Are there times one wishes they could die? We're human, of course there is. Extreme pain, depression, sickness - my goodness, there are a ton of reasons why death seems preferable. My belief in God, the light, the way and giver of life, is my strength to give Him the ultimate authority over me. Easy? Heck no. I'm human. There are passages in Scripture, in the Bible, that provide a different way of looking at life's pain and sufferings. Think of the pain Jesus went through as they tortured him all the way until he died on the cross. He endured that pain for us, for a purpose - he sacrificed himself for our sins to be forgiven, to open the gates of Heaven back up to us that were closed. Jesus suffered pain and humiliation. For us. In that he also showed us how to look at pain and suffering differently. Instead of focusing inwards, on how much it hurts, we are encouraged to look outwards - to use the pain as an offering as he did. Offering it up for the souls in Purgatory, for the benefit of someone other than ourselves. Not to be a martyr, modern medicine exists for a reason, but to find the courage, strength and endurance to accept the human condition and let God work through you until he calls you Home. 

For some, the above paragraph will make absolutely no sense. I'm not writing this to change a mind, more to remind myself that I shouldn't be afraid of my mortality no matter how it ends. There is an end goal, and that's Heaven.  I'm reminded of that when I talk to my mom. I still have her on this earth but I can see time is taking its toll on her health. I still have my dad, but if doctor assisted suicide were already the law of the land, the focus on saving money over saving a life, the decision to fight for my dad's life when he had heart failure wouldn't have happened.  At one point, he was close to death. In another country, he would have been left to die. In THIS country, they fought for him to live and we've had the blessing of his being with us 3 more years and counting. There have been many celebrations, and laughter and yes, even lots of tears during that time, but I still have my dad. 

I prefer my mortality to be decided by God, not from man's governments, courts or companies and their propensity to look through the lens of monetary loss or gain. I'm more than that. I'm a child of God. Let my time be His decision, not a human’s.