Monday, July 31, 2006
McConaughey Monday - WAKE UP CALL He doesn't float my boat, but I bet there are a ton of boats floating from his smile alone. Are you one? As far as the caption in the picture itself, I'm sure you can use your imagination to good effect --- now that you are awake, LOL.
OK, so it's really Monday now. I did a post Saturday night, thinking it was Sunday night and NO ONE razzed me about it! LOL Also my bad is .... the past three posts, I forgot to go and comment on your comments!! I usually never let that many days go without comments .... I'm slipping. Either that or the heat and humidity is getting to me.
MOUSE BALLS I don't know how they wrote this with a straight face...
This apparently was a real memo sent out by a computer company to its
employees in all seriousness. It went to all field engineers about a
computer peripheral problem. The author of this memo was quite genuine.
The engineers rolled on the floor!
Especially note the last couple of sentences:
If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need
a ball replacement. Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field
Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse
balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.
Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the
underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than
balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the
manufacturer of the mouse.
Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method.
Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist off method.
Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling
can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the
mouse may be used immediately.
It is recommended that each person have a pair of spare balls for
maintaining optimum customer satisfaction.
Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in
charge of removing and replacing these necessary items.
Please keep in mind that a customer without properly working balls is an
Another fine email from a good friend. Hope you find a happy moment during your visit here today. Now I can say, HAPPY MONDAY!
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Here's a quote from a government employee who witnessed a recent interaction between an elderly woman and an antiwar protester in a Metro (subway) station in DC:
"There were protesters on the train platform handing out pamphlets on the evils of America. I politely declined to take one.
"An elderly woman was behind me getting off the escalator and a young (20ish) female protester offered her a pamphlet, which she politely declined.
"The young protester put her hand on the old woman's shoulder as a gesture of friendship and in a very soft voice said, 'Lady, don't you care
about the children of Iraq?'
"The old woman looked up at her and said, 'Honey, my father died in France during World War II, I lost my husband in Korea, and a son in Vietnam. All three died so you could have the right to stand here and bad mouth our country. If you touch me again, I'll stick this umbrella up your ass and open it."
~God Bless America!
CHARLEY WAS PROUDLY taking a visiting Texan on a tour of his Arkansas farm when an animal crossed the road in front of them.
“What was that?” asked the Texan.
“A deer,” replied Charley.
“Well, in my state, the deer are much bigger than that,” said the Texan. “And what’s that?”
“A groundhog,” said Charley.
“I didn’t even recognize that,” said the Texan. “Ours are bigger than that.”
A little while later, a turtle crossed the road.
“What‘s that?” the Texan asked.
Charley replied, “A tick.”
Just a Wannabe
I WANTED to be a...
...waiter but couldn’t carry out an order.
...poet but had no rhyme or reason.
...boy Scout but wasn’t prepared.
...skyscraper builder but don’t like tall stories.
...puppeteer but couldn’t pull the right strings.
...plumber but just had a pipe dream.
...garbage collector but don’t like being down in the dumps.
...cab driver but couldn’t hack it.
That’s a Bright Idea
A COUPLE OF country bumpkins, Harry and Larry, ran away from home. Since it was dark, they carried a flashlight to find their way.
Eventually, they came to a large body of water. “I know how we can get across,” Harry said. “I’ll flash the light on the water, and you can walk across on the beam.”
Larry shook his head. “I may not be very smart, but I know that’s not going to work. As soon as I get halfway across, you’ll turn off the light.”
HUMOR ON A MONDAY ALWAYS COMES IN HANDY, DOESN'T IT?
HOPE YOU HAVE A PLEASANT DAY!
Thursday, July 27, 2006
It sure grabbed mine when I saw it in my email In-Box.
I can't post pictures of any big "V's " because Blogger is doing it's "I only do HTML and you can't do pictures" routine agian.
I have a story about a vibrator.
Who needs pictures?
AS A WOMAN PASSES HER DAUGHTER'S CLOSED BEDROOM DOOR,
SHE HEARD A STRANGE BUZZING NOISE COMING FROM WITHIN.
OPENING THE DOOR, SHE OBSERVED HER DAUGHTER GIVING HERSELF
A REAL WORKOUT WITH A VIBRATOR.
SHOCKED, SHE ASKED: "WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING?"
THE DAUGHTER REPLIED: "MOM, I'M THIRTY-FIVE YEARS OLD,UNMARRIED,AND THIS
THING IS ABOUT AS CLOSE AS I'LL EVER GET TO A HUSBAND.
PLEASE, GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE."
THE NEXT DAY, THE GIRL'S FATHER HEARD THE SAME BUZZ COMING FROM THE
OTHER SIDE OF THE CLOSED BEDROOM DOOR.
UPON ENTERING THE ROOM, HE OBSERVED HIS DAUGHTER MAKING PASSIONATE LOVE TO HER VIBRATOR.
TO HIS QUERY AS TO WHAT SHE WAS DOING, THE DAUGHTER SAID:
"DAD I'M THIRTY-FIVE, UNMARRIED, AND THIS
THING IS ABOUT AS CLOSE AS I'LL EVER GET TO A HUSBAND.
PLEASE, GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE."
A COUPLE DAYS LATER, THE WIFE CAME HOME FROM A SHOPPING TRIP,
PLACED THE GROCERIES ON THE KITCHEN COUNTER,
AND HEARD THAT BUZZING NOISE COMING FROM, OF ALL PLACES,
THE LIVING ROOM.
SHE ENTERED THAT AREA AND OBSERVED HER HUSBAND SITTING ON THE COUCH,
DOWNING A COLD BEER, AND STARING AT THE TV.
THE VIBRATOR WAS NEXT TO HIM ON THE COUCH, BUZZING LIKE CRAZY.
THE WIFE ASKED:
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"
THE HUSBAND REPLIED:
"I'M WATCHING FOOTBALL WITH MY SON-IN-LAW."
I Laughed like crazy when I read the punch line.
What did you do?
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Now, Into Insanity:
I was visiting one of my favorite Romance Book Fan Blogs and started to mention Susan Sizemore's newest release, Primal Heat.
Did I like it? Oh YES!!!! Yum Yum Yes...
But that is not what today's post is about. Reviewing it that is. My post is inspired by the two main characters aversion to some of my Favorite Music by QUEEN!
Seems Mathias Bridger and Phillipa Elliot end up together because they didn't care for Fat Bottomed Girls. LOL
Whereas I adore Queen's music. I also believe that their titles lend themselves to being the ultimate Paranormal Groupie Band. Seriously!
This is how I figure it:
Vampires worst theme song,
Another One Bites The Dust.
Another theme song for a Vampire's worst nightmare
Hammer to Fall
Best theme song for the female Vampire Hierarchy
Blood Lust Theme Song
I Want It All
Theme song for Vampire Love
Who Wants To Live Forever
Revenant Theme Song
I'm Going Slightly Mad
Theme song for a Vamp born in the Regency Period
Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy
Theme song for Vamp Mind Control
Carphathian theme song when they find their Life Mate
Crazy Little Thing Called Love
Theme Song against a Van Helsing
Don't Stop Me Now
Theme song for sexy Bad Boy Vamps in Leather
We Will Rock You / We Are The Champions
( I figure they DO have big egos,VBG)
See what I mean?
The Queen Titles are quite suggestive of paranormal elements when you think about it.
Have I missed any good ones???
I'd love to hear some of yours.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
I've never gone and I have no desire to do so.
Why would I when the only "fond memories" were of beng bullied? I hated school. Why would I go to "have fun" and reminisce with people who taunted me?
I ran into an old classmate recently. She said she's gone every year and that I should go too. $60.00 to face the past? Alone?
She wasn't one of the taunters, she kept to herself and wasn't in the sphere or focus as I was.
Not that I ever sought that shit out, it followed me like static cling for six years.
Anyway, she never made it a point to say Hi to me and make nice, she was like a satellite - around , visible but untouchable. She now lives in the same town as I do, but rarely do we connect. This run-in was a unique event.
She informed me that one of our mutual classmates, Ann- whom I vaguely remember, had a stroke which affected one whole side of her body.
A STROKE? at 43??? Shocking! Scary.
This morning I received an email from a good friend I had made in 8th grade. She moved to Louisianna during 9th grade or so ( memory isn't what it used to be either ) but we've never lost touch. She has just informed me that theres a strong chance that she has CANCER!!!
The type and severity won't be known until July 31st. But we're the same age! This isn't supposed to happen, we're still YOUNG!
With these two revelations of people in my age bracket facing serious medical issues that I've always associated with "older" folk - think beyond retired - I'm faced with my own mortality.
I don't like it.
It means that I'm about to start down a road in life that is inevitable - getting old. Being labeled as OLD. Treated with less acceptance and discriminated against because I'm OLD.
Shit, when did this happen???
Regarding my dear friend, for her I ask for prayers.
She still has beautiful children at home, now is a single mom and she has not had the smoothest of lives. But, she is a survivor, a wonderul tough cookie that is now being dealt a cruel blow. Just when things in her life were looking up and filled with exciting possibilities, she gets hammered with this.
I know life isn't fair, but does that have to pertain to me and the people I love???
Please just take 30 seconds to zip a prayer for my friend, Mary.
I really would appreciate it. Thanks
Monday, July 24, 2006
1) When did you first start blogging and why?
I've actually mentioned this before in general chat, but not specifically.
I have ONE person to blame, author Nina Bangs.
A little over a year ago, I fell in love with a few of her stories and wanted to contact her to tell her so. On the back of one of her books, it had a web addy.
Soon after, she shares the news on her blog that she was part of the newly created Out of the Blogosphere, a mostly paranormal author webring, so of course I checked it out.
I was amazed as to how many authors whose books I've read were involved.
Turns out, to 'comment', I needed my own blog account and identity. That was the start of my addiction.
2) What don't you talk about?
I stay away from politics, my kids except for a general mention here or there, most things negative
3) Are you and your blogging persona the same person?
Actually not right off the bat. I can be gregarious here as well as on the phone.
I have an issue with eye-contact. You talk to me - I can look straight into your eyes, Me talk to YOU? my eyes are shifty. If you didn't know me, you'd think I was hiding something or not telling the truth. It's an auto response I'm not sure how to break. It irritates me when someone does it to me, but I don't know how to cure myself. Once I'm comfortable with someone, the urge to swirl disappears. Then, I'm like I am here. Sort of. Here I can edit my "blonde" moments.
4) How do you use blogging to build friendships?
Never did. Never would. Never say Never. I have three situational prospects that have me edging towards changing my mind.
The knowing of "how" is unknown to me at this time.
My cousin warned me NOT to do the "internet friendship" thing as she got badly burned and it took a long time for her feelings of betrayal to heal. Basically it relates to question #3 in that the answer for some people should be NO - but there are those that never intend to be honest - as she found out. They lie. How would we know the difference?
Sometimes the risk is too great.
5) How would you describe your writing style?
Babbling, wordy, overuse of "!!!" and " ......" and and verbal emoticons of
" **insert word** " - Fluffy! of course.
Did anything I revealed shock you? Or after a while of visiting , seem as you expected?
Anyway, This time,I'm remembering to tag someone .... hmmmmm, whom should I tag?
Fun Bailey (if not snagged yet) , the fascinating eMMa , the creative Brandy, the lovely Jill, and the traveling Kristen . Tag ladies!!!
Saturday, July 22, 2006
There was a blog that I enjoyed visiting with the title Brianna's Mommy. She was a mother, an avid book reader and, I'm not sure, but I think a writer too.
Her blog was suddenly not accessable .
I didn't erase her from my "favorites" though. I had hoped it was one of those blogger glitches.
Folks, it is much, MUCH worse.
To a few of you, I've mentioned this already but for you who I haven't,
Have you heard of Blog Hacking?
Where someone hacks into your blog, takes it over, locks you out and removes/destroys all your history?
I think that has happened to Brianna's Mommy. For quite sometime I was unable to pull it up, but today, success.
It was all in Chinese yet the address was the same as I knew it to be for Brianna.
Does anyone know what happened to her? Has she created a new blog?
Now I have to ask, HOW DO WE PROTECT OURSELVES????
I am very, Very worried about this.
Anyone have any ideas?
FYI and update: - I have already adjusted my password - made it bigger. I'd heard that a "strong" password may help. At this point, I'm willing to try anything.
I really like the ease and simplicity of just hitting "publish post', but there's aways a snag when something works too well.
Spammers. Comment SPAM. Harrassment.
I guess they figured my blog was an untapped treasure trove. I checked my mail early this morning and I had no activity notification.
I come back home after three hours of making blueberry, cherry and apples pies at my church and Lo!
40 friggin, flippin, irritating, obnoxious, unwanted, asinine SPAM.
Obviously an aggressive campaign was launched today to make sure that at least 40 of my old posts were SPAM-tagged.
**insert profanity** Grrrrr!!
I have to relaunch Word Verifcation folks.
Right now, I have that "caught and no way out" feeling. "They" have left me no choice.
When I saw those 40 blasted SPAMs, I bet I looked like this ....
Thursday, July 20, 2006
It never crossed my mind to read the BOOK after seeing the movie five times .... and counting.
Many thoughts on the subject of movies made from books abound. Most I've viewed seem to be in the negative; that the movies never seem to capture the brilliance of a well written story, that it doesn't translate well to the screen and it insults the vision of the author . I've read statements that, on principle alone, they refuse to see the movie made version less they experience extreme disappointment, rage, disgust or disillusionment. Basically, they won't ever give the theater version a fighting chance.
I approached reading the book with tentative steps, even going so far as to wait until my three weeks of borrow time was almost up. I ended up reading it in two days.
I have no clue as to whether my experience is unusual or typical for this book, but I LOVED it!
Truly, my heart was pounding even though I knew what was coming.
There were, obviously, many differences between the two, but not in concept, interpretation and most of all, the delivery.
In reading the book I now better understand how the wolves escaped.
That I found the written version of Sam's encounter with the wolves more blood-chilling than the movie. The movie only had to rely on the visuals ( M.E. - remember what I said about canine fangs?) which was enough for me, LOL.
That from reading the book I felt more empathy for the cop who led the people from the library.
I was drawn more completely into the familial love that existed in the book, whereas I was a tad confused as to where they all stood in relation to each other in the film.
The only element that was clear in both the book and movie was a father's love for his son and the son loving his dad.
Very powerful that.
Also the transformation in the personality of the Vice President - the book made a more powerful statement in how circumstances make a man a man.
Remember the adage, Adversity will show whether a man IS a man or a mouse - OK, I'm paraphrasing the cliche, but it works here and you get to see it put into action during the story.
So many internal emotions were thoughtfully woven in the book that simply cannot transfer onto the big screen. I admit that.
My only negative observation (and it was a glaring gaffe) - the movie forgot to let Sam/Jake grow face fuzz. At the end when his dad comes to the rescue, Sam is still as freshly shaved and smooth faced as if he had just stepped out of a grunge spa. There should have been three days worth of fur. Somebody was probably too goo-goo eyed by Jake to notice the omission.
All in all, I was impressed with how closely the movie followed the book. The changes the director made worked for the film version making reading and viewing two different experiences - both enjoyable.
I recommend both.
Sure, the movie has been out for quite some time and I am probably being repetitive to some readers - but the reason for this post is to state that sometimes, a book CAN be successfully translated to a movie and I believe The Day After Tomorrow is proof of that.
Do you want to share a sucessful book to movie experience with me today??
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
I am addicted to music. I will blog while listening to music. I can't drive without having tunes on. I de-stress at the end of the day by sneaking into my room where I shut the door, flip off the lights and turn on my favorite tunes... Music soothes the savage beast - in my case, the savage homemaker/wife/mother and dust bunny slayer.
My top 10 ( for the moment)
1) Claire in Heaven by Capercaille
2) Color Me - Celtic Voices - Women of song
3) In Your Honor - Foo Fighters
4) Katahitanga (Union) - Oceania ( New Zealand)
5) Crazy Little Thing Called Love - Queen
6) Goody Two Shoes - Adam Ant
7) Walking on the Sun - Smash Mouth
8) The Living Daylights - Aha from James Bond
9) I'm Your Boogie Man - KC and the Sunshine Band
10) The Chicken Dance from Jimmy Neutron ( dedicated to Mailyn!)
OH! Blogger likes me today. Will even let me post pictures. Have you been sleeping well lately? I realize that many parts of the country are dealing with high heat indexes. Same where I am. I heard relief is in sight for many, Yea!!!
But... how many can't sleep from nightmares?
More Spider Hair Fun!
I guess these guys are Spider man fans. Not sure what the first clue was .....
M.E. - delightful lady - is still trying to beat her nemisis(es) -
Somehow, this ISN'T the way to do it.
But Wait - Where's the Hair???? The post doesn't make much sense ... ah!
HAIR IT IS!!!!
Love ya, M.E.!!! **giggle**
Monday, July 17, 2006
M.E.! This is dedicated to you.
Yes folks. She is determined to overcome her inner cringe. Eight legged critters.
M.E. is being so brave, she even posted an anachrid on her site. How cool is that?
In honor of her heroic efforts, I feel my spidey sense wanting to help out.
Deep Breath, M.E.!!
I first bring you the coolest in men's hair fashion and accessories....
Spider Hair! Isn't it wild ???
This next pic is beautiful Spider Hair Jewelery - clips I believe.
I acutally love enlarging these because the detail is divine!
Next we have regular spider hair:
Spiders can be sexy too - can't leave them out of that aspect:
My favorite thing to embrace the inner spider is the Maserati Spider... Vroom!!
I figure, you need a fast, agressive, powerful car to get you where you want to go....
Which is probably another blog -LOL
Ha! Thought I'd be BAD, didn't you.
Actually, Blogger took pity and Slammed on the brakes when I tried to upload the Piece de resistance ... Creme de le Creme....
I think blogger likes M.E. **VBG**
Well, for that matter, so do I.
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Road Rage at a NY Toll Booth.
One says " I WON"T be late for work!"
The Other says " I'm Gonna get LAID!"
BOTH are doomed to disappointment.
Haste makes waste folks.
Some people forget that.
Unless this "cracks you up"
Have a great Monday all!
Saturday, July 15, 2006
I am copying again. Or am I playing "Follow the Leader"?
Blog topic is not original.
What have schools done to "classic" authors? Thank STACY for another inspirational blurb.
I speak of Emily Dickinson, Ernest Hemingway, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Melville ....
Have your book reports turned you off of famous authors when you were forced to explore, explain and extol their salient points?
My answer to her blog post was:
As far as books. *sigh* Most of the classics I was forced to read in school, I now am totally disinterested in.
Won't give them the time of day or night.
Exception - Edgar Allan Poe, Homer, Shakespeare and Kurt Vonngegut Jr.
Remember Ethan Frome? I hated, absolutely hated that story.
Teacher spent three flippin days discussing it. It's like dissecting a fetal pig - afterwhile, all you see is parts and it ceases "being" a thing greater than its parts.
Do teachers realize that the fall out from their intense and clinical autopsies is total unappreciation for those "famous" authors?
Since leaving school, I've not read ANY stories by Hemmingway, Fitzgerald or Melvile.
Am I the only one this has happened to?
I recollect only one teacher that taught us to not look for hidden meanings and references but to read with enthusiasm. She reveled in the author's mind, imagination and use of the written word.
It was like she was saying "Look! Look what is possible when you embrace the joys of the English language . "
And the background advice of " Use it, amuse with it, teach with it, but don't abuse it." has stuck with me.
Unfortunately, she was in a lower grade - she could inspire enthusiasm in us for the stories because they were not "socially conscious" epics that bammed us over the head with foreshadowing and social criticisms- but were fun, whimsical and creative.
Teachers beyond her were dry, intense and stern as were the books choices they gave us. (Did I say "choice"? ha!)
Where's the fun in that?
Which brings me to Pride and Prejudice, Wuthering Heights, War and Peace - I've not read them, seen them or have any inclination to do so.
Does that make me a lowbrow Neanderthal?
UPDATE LATER IN THE DAY!
OH WOW! THE NEW JIM BUTCHER HARD COVER IS OUT!!!
Someone PLEASE TAPE THE FIRST EPISODE FOR ME!!! I read that the Sci-Fi channel is airing the Dresden Files series this year. AND I DON'T GET CABLE!!
On a real life Boo Hoo and "Oh No!" and "This is totally dreadful!"
is Brandy's situation.
Her large and loveable kitty, Squeakie is missing. For us faithful bloggers to her site, she's been regaling us with awesome, "warm and fuzzy" pictures of her cats' antics, Squeakie among them.
Please stop by and give her a CYBER-HUG folks. This loss is devestating her and her family as Squeakie IS part of the family.
Thursday, July 13, 2006
I've heard of restless sleepers but this is ludicrous!
Speaking of sleeping,
what's your favorite comfy mode?
I'm a side sleeper with two pillows. If I don't have two pillows, I have to bunch something up to mimic it.
I've no idea why.
Two pillows are tools. When the light comes in too early in the AM and the birds are singing so loud, you want the neighborhood cat to pay a visit, one of the pillows can go over your head to block the light and muffle the sound. Isn't that great?
I think so.
BTW - This guy is going to have an "ice-breaker" of a tan, isn't he??
It never materialized. Not really.
As I journey through Blogger by clicking the "Next Blog" button, I've discovered a theme;
to be "Profound".
Some read like news articles spouting for or against topics - well and good for many.
Some are from the youngers in generation - peer politics and pressures - valuable outlet as long as they remain anonymous - safety, you know?
Some reach out to others to give or ask for support.
Some are .... explicit - I zip right past those (peeking out from between my fingers)
Mostly they are one thing - SERIOUS
Do you know what my favorite part of the newspaper is?
I'm sure you can and have.
Yes, the comics.
You realize the reason for them being there , right?
Comedic foils. A breath of fresh air. A lightening of the mood.
Let's face it, the newspaper is full of serious topics. Sometimes the pictures are disturbing. The Comic pages provide balance and are a mental innoculation against the taint left by reading about man's failures to control the ID.
So , when I can, I post fluffy.
Doesn't mean that I'm intellectually fluffy, just that I chose not to be serious.
When I do post "serious" topics, they must mean a lot to me ... for example, the post about the bully. That struck a chord with many readers - and their shared stories were heartbreaking and inspirational all at the same time because they are survivors. Go and check their blogs and look where they are in life now! Successful, confident in who they are - but never losing sight of how they were affected - passing on those lessons of strength and how to "deal" to their own kids.
Doing such posts can provide validation to my efforts, but equally important is the value of a smile, a good feeling , a lightening of heart or an outright chuckle.
Sometimes these "serious bloggers" need a break. My hope and thrill would be that my blog could serve that purpose every once and awhile.
No particular theme - a patchwork of oddities , if you will.
Therefore, just call me 'fluffy'.
Or City Chickie, or Spider Dancer LOL!
( my only two blogger inspired nicknames)
For for bizarre fluff, silly fluff, stupid fluff or lusty fluff, I' m there.
WHO SAID MEN AREN'T SENSITIVE
A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar.
They talk, they connect and they end up leaving together.
They get back to his apartment and she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears.
Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor,
cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.
The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears,
especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.
She turns to him... they kiss... and then they rip off each other's clothes....
After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy,
they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks,
smiling, "Well, how was it?"....................
The guy says:.............................................................
"Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."
Maybe It’s the Float
A WIFE walked into the house and told her husband, “There’s water in the carburetor.”
“You don’t know the difference between a carburetor and a generator,” he huffed. “Where’s the car?”
She shrugged. “At the bottom of the lake.”
MAN does not live by bread alone. He has to handle some hot potatoes, know his onions, be worth his salt and try not to reach the boiling point. It’s little wonder that man is constantly in a stew.
Subject: The Milking Machine
A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine.
Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first.
So, he inserted his "manhood" into the equipment, turned on the switch and everything else was automatic.
Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure than his wife did.
When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized that he couldn't remove the
instrument from his 'member'.
He read the manual but didn't find any useful information on how to disengage himself.
He tried e very button on the instrument, but still without success.
Finally, he decided to call the supplier's Customer Service Hot Line with his cell phone
(Thank god for cell phones!).
"Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company.
It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?"
"Don't worry," replied the customer service rep,
"The machine will release automatically once it's collected two gallons."
Oh, I bet the last one made you groan, right? *giggle*
Have a great Thursday!
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
So, I waited a bit and have had to make this a separate post.
May I present my own presentation of a parallel attraction?
What do you think?
Tuesdays aren't the happenest (yep, made up the word myself) of days, so I thought I'd share a few email observations:
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks,
"Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?"
The agent replies, "Just a minute.."
"Thank you," the blonde says,
and hangs up.
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits.
It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.
"What do you think?" I asked.
"Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?"
"Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one.
He's still in intensive care.
Here is where I share a personal thought.
Have You Ever:
Gone down the highway or road singing out loud to your favorite song?
Don't you feel ... hip, cool, da bomb or talented?
While driving your vehicle , listened to a funny radio program or commercial that hits your funny bone and you ended up laughing out loud with a big foolish grin plastered on your face?
Now, think about the driver coming your way in the oncoming traffic.
What do they see?
A person talking to no one.
A person looking like an escapee from a lunatic asylum.
A person that makes you very , very nervous.
They SEE you.
Ever thought of that?
Did I just make you paranoid?
Aren't you glad you dropped by today?
Sunday, July 09, 2006
I know, I know - you've seen this book cover around the blogosphere already. It came out in April and it's taken me until July for my turn.
And yes, we can appreciate the cover model, Nathan Kamp - I mean, those lips are distinctive *wink* - but the book itself is noteable .
Parrallel Attraction by Deidre Knight
Isn't she sweet looking?
There's a ton of talent and imagination coming from this author of which Parallel Attraction is only the start.
I read it in one day - hint- it's fine reading. I have to give credit where credit is due - not to produce a spoiler so early in this post - she has simply blown my mind with her story arc.
There is some time travel in this - but not within the concept that you are used to reading in your favorite romance books. This journey was so convoluted and detailed, I had a hard time following how an author could not only think of the series of events that occur, but keep a tight enough reign on the various threads making it all work - coherent and believeable.
My brain hurt. (in a good way)
The story involves king Jared Bennett - an alien exiled king whose enemy not only threatens his home planet ,but unbeknownst to its inhabitants, Earth too.
Kelsey Wells is the human woman who captures his heart despite his resistsance. He fights against his feelings as he is unwilling to have her drawn into the conflict.
A tortured hero.
A woman whose love does not blind her to his reality.
The strength of the human spirit and selfless love.
Kelsey is strong , a smart and beautiful personality.
Jared is also strong, but in a way Kelsey never anticipated.
And what they discover together changes everything they thought they knew.
I do recommend reading this if sci-fi, paranormal romance is your thing. You'll enjoy the story.
My really personal feeling?
It was almost like Deidre touched base on all the blooper points of reading romance and fixed them with astounding and joyous results.
See if you can identify at least three areas where authors step into the Pet Peeve Zone.
Deidre side-stepped them all.
Saturday, July 08, 2006
A teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with this see-through blouse on and no bra.
Her grandmother just pitched a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that!
The teenager tells her,
"Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rose buds show!"
and out she goes.
The next day the teenager comes down stairs, and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on.
The teenager wants to die.
She explains to her grandmother that she has friends coming over and that it is just not appropriate...
The grandmother says,
"Loosen up, Sweetie. If you can show off your rose buds, then I can display my hanging baskets.
LOL, another fun email I wanted to share with you. It's a little late to be timely, but still worth a groaning snort or two.
Most people don't know that back in 1912,
Hellmann's mayonnaise was
>manufactured in England.
In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars
>of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was
>to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.
>>This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever
delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to
>New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever
>>The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly
>awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was
>so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they
>still observe to this day.
>>The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known,
>of course, as Sinko de Mayo.
>So there you now have it.
Have a super Saturday!
Friday, July 07, 2006
The pleasant irony of her post is that I was a delighted victim of it yesterday.
Remember when I said that I finally bought myself a bike after 27 years?
Well, wouldn't you know - it rained, rained and rained since the day I got it. Then it was one thing after another on the better days.
Yesterday, I was able to go with my kids to a local bike trail. Finally! I had the juice packed, the helmuts and the enthusiasm.
What I didn't have was a bike that worked. My brand new bike slipped it's chain. I put a foot on the pedal, pushed and I heard a strange noise. I found that my ;
sing with me to the tune of the Wheels of the Bus:
Pedals of my bike went Round and Round,
Round and Round,
Round and Round.
The Pedals of my bike went Round and Round
but never moved over the ground.
Yes , that was me. My kids were riding in the parking lot with excited zeal and I was sitting on my trunk like a perplexed, poleaxed lump.
It's been 27 years! What did I know about chains except how to yank them? ( In a good way)
What can a clueless woman do? ( I was feeling REALLY blonde at that moment)
Here comes the Random Beauty of the Universe.
A family of five were out taking a walk. They were heading back our way from the trial and my kids were riding around them, telling them All About Mom and her busted brand spankin' new bike. ( why do kids tell total stangers all about your mortifying situations?)
Glad they did actually. The gentleman - he deserved the title - mosied on over and said,
"I haven't worked on a bike in quite awhile, but I'll take a look for you and see what I can do."
On top of that came one of his kids, a young girl, perhaps 10 -13 yrs old, who came up to me and said,
"I'm SO sorry that your bike is broken." then gave me a shy smile.
Wow, I thought to myself. What a great kid! I thanked her for saying that.
Sure enough, Mom and Dad came back over and took a look. Both of them hunched down and checked things out. He found some kind of doodad at the back wheel that loosened up the chain so he could have enough slack to rethread the chain. I'm watching these strangers, these random stangers providing what you have only been reading about:
Random Acts of Kindness.
I was the recipient yesterday and I just sat there on my trunk, and watched - totally amazed and touched.
I wanted to share this.
We hear of so much negativity around us. It's nice to be able to tell a tale of wonderful people who, through some unknown karma , were there at the right time, the right place.
I feel very blessed. On many levels. Physically And mentally.
Dear reader, I hope you experience a Random Act of Kindness in your life.
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Why bicycle shorts are always black!!
NEVER RED !!!
If you want to see the "finer" details, click on the pic for an ... enlarged view *giggle*
Isn't Wednesday referred to as "Hump day"???
Have a nice one, folks!
I meant , a nice WEDNESDAY!
Monday, July 03, 2006
First I must say:
HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY !!!
Now for the post,
I was visiting Kara's blog. She usually presents interesting questions or viewpoints in her posts that make you step back and think.
This one was no exception.
Her reply to MY comment had me pondering further. I decided to post what I wrote on her blog here as well . Even out of context, they are still interesting enough to stand on their own.
Read Kara's Post Then, ruminate on my response to her reply:
Has Hollywood influenced the perception of exotic people being more desirable than our own countrymen/women?
Are we brainwashed into buying into the allure of the exotic?
If we see it, read about it, hear about it, does it lead us towards believing that interpretation without personal experience to color our views? [this can refer to anything , truly]
Is this "new kind of racism" a result of veiwing life from the media viewpoint???
Have you, any of you, experienced this in any degree in your own life?
And if you wonder, "Why in the hell did I post a question like this connected with the 4th?",
I'll say this.
We celebrate a day that our community forefathers, past family members and family friends fought and died for.
Our freedom from oppression, suppression and repression.
Of our liberties,
Of our words [spoken and written],
Of our way of life,
and Of our beliefs.
Racism taints all the above and is a battle that needs to be fought - daily.
It can exhibit in overt or subversive forms,
insidious in all its degrees.
Today's focus may seem trivial and touch upon an unimportant form of racism.
But can we afford to ignore even the mildest form??
Sunday, July 02, 2006
I don't watch SOAP operas - ever.
I read them.
Laurell K. Hamilton's , Anita Blake - Vampire Hunter.
Her new one, Danse Macabre just came out. I read it in 24 hours. Stayed up until 2AM, got up at 6:45AM read for another 1 1/2 hours, then started again at 4:30 and ended at 8PM. I did not ever want to put it down.
For anyone following her blog, you'd know she originally wrote 1,000 pages. The book is about 500. I could read 1,000 pages of Anita, Jean Claude, Asher, Micah,Nathanial ... OK, Richard too ... and her powers within the relationships she's formed.
I have read all the books in the series and yes, there's none of the police work in this latest offering - it takes place over two days, there abouts, and it is an intense two days. We learn so much, and so little.
I'm addicted to Anita's world. It's as real as some of the SOAP operas that people watch and have watched for decades. They feel that they "know " the characters, are involved in their "lives", and as weird as that sounds, it's how I feel about reading this series.
When you start caring for the characters, TV or in Books, you want to know more about them, their relationships, their inner emotions - no longer needing to be plot driven, per se, but definitely character driven.
I think that is where Laurell K. Hamilton is going with this. We are driven to learn about the characters than inhabit Anita's world. We want to know. Crave to know. Must know.
At least I do.
I'm a fan.
And proud of it.
Yet I'm not talking about anything serious or profound, at least as far as I'm concerned.
You can't go back and revisit your past because the person you were then- when whatever happened, happened - isn't who you are now and how you viewed, reacted or felt at that time, does not translate to your present.
I wish movie "geniuses" [said tongue in cheek] would remember that fact.
I refer to a movie that I really, really wanted to see in the theaters. I was so excited about this remake.
I thought the main actor would do it justice. The TV commercials had me chuckling in gleeful anticipation.
I ended up missing the entire run - never finding the time or anyone to go with.
So I waited patiently for the DVD release.
Oh, am I glad I did. On two levels.
Glad that I never saw it in theaters.
Glad I never paid full price for a feeling that I know would have had me gritting my teeth in high annoyance.
The Pink Panther with Steve Martin And Kevin Kline.
OK, so I'm going to rant.
I think you guessed from my first paragraph that I wasn't happy.
After ruminating on it after 24 hours of seeing the movie, I feel the same way. It WAS as bad as I thought.
I can count on one hand how many times I laughed viewing the film, all of which occurred in the first 30 minutes. After that , it was forced, contrived, choppy and unimaginative. The foils depended too much on pop culture reference and not enough character eccentricities. The viewer does not connect with Inspector Clouseau at all. He was a cookie cutter, two dimensional, lifeless depiction of a role that Peter Sellers had breathed life into with wit, cunning slapstick and cuttingly humorous humanity.
You can't recapture or recreate that success.
They tried. I'll give them that. Perhaps TOO hard.
I personally know five people who raved about this movie. Said it was the funniest they'd seen in a while and really talked it up so much that I felt safe in watching it. I should have realized that all the people who bragged about this film, had never seen the original Peter Seller's version.
I would love to hear from those who HAVE seen the originals and have seen the remake.
I would love to hear their opinions.
If they felt this new remake worked, why??
Because I am clueless as to its appeal.
My most hated part of the new Pink Panther?
That blasted , stupid and irritating "Hamburger" scene.
Someone put this movie out of its misery...ARGH!!