Thursday, June 15, 2006

Phobia by Environment


My question again delves into the past that affects the present.

Is there a traumatic event in your childhood that has left it's mark as a motion, action or belief in your adult life?


I'll admit mine if you'll admit yours - well, no - you don't have to , that's invasion of privacy. I'm willing to share mine though. It came to me a few nights ago and I found it fascinating.

The past - as a child, I had my tonsils and , I believe, adenois (sp?) removed. It was my first time away from home and it was traumatic on a few levels. The surgery wasn't the big deal. What affected me was the night. There were liquid med's that I was supposed to take. Being as swollen as you can imagine, they didn't make it down my throat. I remember the nurses holding me down, holding my nose and forcing me to swallow the congealed mess that had dribbled out. Not fun.
Then, it was the feeling of vulnerability, the aloneness, the coldness. I was not allowed any sheets or blankets to cover me. That was the worst.. Somehow I managed to dislodge the fitted sheet and had enough to cover my feet up to my shins. That was all.

The present - the result of that one night stay? Even as an adult, on the hottest of hot nights, when humidity hangs like a liquid cloak upon my skin , I absolutely must, unequivocally have , a sheet covering the bottom of my legs or at the very least , one leg. My guess would be that an "action" has taken root in my childhood that affects me as an adult today.

Isn't it amazing what thoughts come to you in the middle of the night?


On a lighter note, a good friend sent this to me via email. I LOL'd so much I wanted to share!


President Bush deploys the ultimate border protection

18 comments:

Farm Girl said...

The only thing I can think of is how I feel about women today because of the bad experiences I had as a child. There was one girl who I was friends with for quite a while but she would hang around two sisters and when they were all together they would be very mean to me, calling me names and that sort of thing. That could be why I have always preferred men to women.

Mitch said...

When I was a kid, I was sent to daycare. My mom didn't know how to go about potty training me, so she let the daycare do it.

Bathroom break at the daycare was a group event. You couldn't just go whenever you wanted to, everyone went at specified times, I guess so the adults could keep an eye on everyone.

So here I am, 2yr old little me, sitting on a training potty across from the sinks, being told to go. I wasn't allowed a stall, I have no idea why. I had to pull down my coveralls so everyone there could see my naked butt. If I didn't go, everyone would stand there and wait on me, because there wouldn't be another bathroom break for 2 or 3 hours. Not all the kids in the restroom were 2. Most of the kids were older and could use the toilets in the stalls. Remember being young, when you wanted to impress the big kids because they seemed like gods to you? I got to sit half naked on a training seat while the big kids washed their hands across from me.

Flash forward to today. I need complete privacy when I use the restroom. I don't like having someone in the next stall. Truth be told, I don't like having anyone else in the bathroom at all. Even at home, if someone in my family is in the next room, I feel like I can't go. I hate when people are waiting on me, like if I'm out at dinner and I tell someone I'll be right back, I feel like they're timing me, and if I'm not back in a certain amount of time, they'll think there's something wrong with me.

The moral to this story - potty train your kids at home. If you're switching them out of diapers, give them the privacy they've earned.


One question, why didn't they let you have any blankets?

Brandy said...

Oh, man. I can relate on the tonsils out story. I can also relate TO you why I don't trust Doctors. When I was 3 my tonsils became infected, over and over again my Mom was told it would go away. Finally my Mom took me to a new Doctor who told her whoever she'd been taking me to was a fool. That my tonsils were as big as cherry tomatoes and needed to come out. I also had a VERY high fever. For which they then placed me in a tub of ICE WATER! No matter how much I screamed, they made me stay in. I finally had my tonsils out, but to this day don't trust Doctors. Or Dentists. Small mouth. They make me do the adult x-ray things to this day. Unfortunately I also have a STRONG gag reflex. You can figure it out from there. I have to be given a muscle relaxer to go to the Dentist these days.

Brandy said...

Forgot to say I love your border patrol e-mail.

Michele said...

Wow, Les. You butted heads with the clique personality - always unpleasant and poisonous for the victims. Yep, I can relate but I never got the hang of being friends with guys. Most of the guys I became friends with were on the low end of the testosterone spectrum or were just plain geeks, guess that made me a geek too.
*shrug* Geeks rule! *gg*


Mitch! Oh Ick! Poor you! That wasn't very nice of them . Sounds like they were totally clueless - bathroom time is not like a production line. Glad you survived.
My own kids don't respect the "privacy issue" when Mom is on the toity - it's a revolving door. When they were young it wasn't a problem but it's getting to be. *sigh*, but with one bathroom and the band-aids being there too, how can I lock the door?

I hate, despise and cringe at the thought of using a public restroom, especially when there is only one or two stalls. I'm always afraid I'm taking it from someone who has to "go" worse or I'm smelling them out - notice there are never any spray refresheners in public restrooms? I mean, you sometimes have no choice and when you get out, there's a LINE!! and they all see and smell you ....nightmare of ginormous proportions!!!

As for why no blanket? I've no idea. None of us kids were allowed coverings. Maybe cuz we'd drool the meds out onto the blanket and they couldn't shove it back down our throats? I don't remember them ever giving me a reason besides "You can't". and when an adult in authority says "NO," well, thats the end of it.

Rayke said...

Mine is not as traumatic, but when I was younger my sister told me to put a penny on these train tracks in Arizona. A few days later she told me that the train crashed and that "they were looking for me". She thought it was just a funny joke, but it freaked me the hell out.

Everytime I saw/heard a train for the next few years (I was 6 when it happened) I freaked out cause I thought it was coming for me.

Shesawriter said...

Hi Michelle,

Long time no read. Just stopping in to say how the hell are ya? :-)

Hugs,

Tanya

Shesawriter said...

Oops. Sorry. Spelled your name wrong. I was typing faster than I was thinking. :-)

M.E Ellis said...

Oh Rayke, that made me cry! How traumatic! Poor you as a kiddie. Aww.

Mine was jumping into a swimming pool on holiday without my rubber ring on (swim aid). It still felt as if it was around my waist as I'd had it on all day. That feeling underwater was so very scary, someone jumped in and had to save me.

To this day, large expanses of water, from small rivers to the ocean, freaks me out.

The ocean thing is also related to taking the ferry to a small island just off the UK called the Isle of Wight. Leaning over the side of the ferry to look at the spume of water, my elder brother jumped on me from behind and shouted 'WAHH!'. Since then, waves, white spume or the sea just makes me go very weird. I don't go into the sea on holiday and flying over it almost makes me pass out. No window seats on planes for me. No holidays abroad really, as the thought of being over the sea is too traumatic.

Lots of things freak me out, but these two stand out the most.

:o)

Michele said...

Rayke! How can you say it wasn't traumatic?
I LOVE trains, we live near tracks and enjoy the sound of both horn and track when it goes by, even at 2 in the morning. To have someone, even in fun, taint that experience is a shame.
I hope someone played a practical joke on your sister and got her good. Enough to get her on AFV, LOL.

Tanya! Hey there busy writer lady!! I'm doin' the hell fine!
Hope you are back to bloggin so I can visit you! Now I'm gonna fly over there an check your site.
Woot!

M.E.! Howdy there! Hrumph, I post a pic just to get a reaction from you and you haven't even seen it...LOL. I'll get you yet, my pretty --*cackle cackle*

Wow, another almost drowning. I did that too - it was so peaceful looking up through the water and seeing the sunlight filtered through the water. Obviously, I too was saved. And I wasn't scared because I had no clue what was going on. Ignorance is bliss - could leave you dead, but in bliss. *morbid giggle*

The ocean is not my friend either. for me it's crabs and toes. Sharks and legs. And icky, slimey, cold and clammy seaweed gripping me and pulling me down.


Sounds like you are a true land lubber, M.E. - nothing wrong with that. Many , MANY people feel that way. Aren't you glad this country's innards is so big?

Shesawriter said...

Yep I'm back to blogging, though I won't be doing it as much as I used to. Maybe three or four times a week at most.

Bailey Stewart said...

Too traumatic to go into. But I can see how yours would scar you. I remember getting my tonsils out and I got a blanket.

Michele said...

Tanya, that's still more than I do each week. Looking forward to visiting you more often :-)



Eve - Whoa, really? Ouch.
Re: your tonsils - you got a blanket??? Your nurse was much nicer than mine. Maybe I got the nurse from One Flew Over the Cukoos Nest? *shudder*
Amazing I'm not more warped! LOL

Annalee Blysse said...

There used to me... but I got over it. And it sort of has to do with the image you have on here so I'll share. When I was about 5 or 6 we drove through Mexico over this high mountain pass with incredible cliffs on either side. The road was so narrow trucks would pass with tires hanging off the cliff, us too! Scared me to death. Traumatized me for decades. Until I was about 25 I had dreams banditos would kidnap me and my brothers and throw my parents over the cliff.

My grandfather used to have a cabin on a lake and the road was also narrow with cliffs! I was terrified of that road. I'd beg to get out of the car while my father turned around in a culdesac with a monstrous cliff on either side. I cried each time worrying they'd go over. They finally made me stay in the car with them. Didn't help me get over my phobia. When I was about 25 the dreams ended and now cliffs don't bother me.

M.E Ellis said...

I've scrolled down really slowly, but can't find a pic that would have me squealing! Which one is it?

:o)

Michele said...

Annalee, high mtn passes would do it to me too. In fact there is a Mt.summit that had a winding road up it. Very popular during leaf peeping season as you can view miles upon miles of fall foilage. It's the "getting there" that freaks me out. I've never driven up and I never will. Hiked one time in my youth and that was cool, but drive? *shudder*

Thanks for sharing and Congrats on the amazing feat of it "just ending" so that cliffs don't bother you. I'm still waiting for me to get lucky.
So glad you stopped by!


M.E., it was the guy with the needles in his mouth ... you mean that stuff doesn't bother you?
Wow.

Beth said...

I had my tonsils out and it was a great experience - all I remember is laying on the couch eating popsicles and having my mom read to me :-) Glad I didn't go to your hospital!!!!

I have a scary memory from first grade playground - all the girls were "trapped" at the top of a slide and all the boys had "captured" us. At that age I had no concept of gang rape but although I've never experienced that horror in reality I can still feel the illogical fear of that moment. In fact perhaps that was a defining moment - although I've never been raped for many years I endured the fear of that. You are so right that those early childhood experiences can shape us in ways we may never understand. I'm doing my best as a parent now to help my children fight their fears and overcome them.

I don't emphasize to them that there is no monster in the closet, for example. I emphasize "how will you defeat the monster in the closet?" Because when we feel those fears, it is real. It needs to be defeated on a level that feels real.

Have you ever seen Dreamscape? I love that - all about facing one's fears. A paraellel children's movie is Shark Boy & Lava Girl. The things we imagine take on a reality and affect us in incredible ways - it's better to confront with the same intensity rather than simply dismissing as our imaginations. Sorry such a long comment - you obviously touched a nerve with many people's memories

Michele said...

Howdy Beth!
Thanks for stopping by and sharing here too.

I have a teensy weensy little question mark over my head with this comment:

"although I've never been raped for many years I endured the fear of that."
Major HUH????

As in, it happened!?!
((*oh horrors!*))
Good gravy, I hope you had an awesome support system and loving family and friends to get you through. Even once happening is one time to many for anyone.

Oh, and your "illogical fear" - not so illogical. Not at all. That was self-preservation and a very instinctual and healthy response to danger. Danger, as in the other post you commented on - needs not to be physical to still have an impact on our lives.

I haven't seen any of the movies you mentioned. Will have to check them out.

AND I LUURVE long comments.
I'm kind of long winded myself, LOLOL!!
Thanks, Beth!