Monday, September 10, 2007

When Insomnia Strikes

When Insomnia Strikes, I go online and pester the world.


Actually, I surf the web in ways I can't do during the day.

In QUIET Solitude!


What else did you think I was going to say? Hmmmm?

What cheek.

Anyway, you've probably noticed my site meter off to the left, somewhere. How amusing a toy it can be at times, especially during this ridiculously early 4:00AM cyber jaunt.

My blog can be Googled and I never know what search words will lead people to view my page, even if it's only for two seconds before they click their mouse, screaming off into the next link.

I was tickled pink that some posts regarding LKH( Laurell K. Hamilton), Asher and Jean Claude got a look-see.

I chuckled quite a bit when I saw that Malted Vinegar were the search words. Those of course led to my first Scottish Festival post.

The funniest one for me was Robin Miller and Navy SEALS together. Robin has published her first mystery romance,{with many more on the way} which I think ... has NOTHING to do with Navy SEALS that I know of. So putting the two together is just giving me the giggles.

I wonder what Robin'd think?

I also want to plug a new Blog I found courtesy of Dracschick on my LJ community.

It's called


If you LOVE Paranormal stories, there are some cool posts dedicated to that genre, check it out!

And remember, the Author Spotlight on LASR is Diane Craver. Check out the Contests!

NOW for your Reading pleasure and appreciation of all things Nonsense!


Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your ALWAYS maxi pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their features.

Why, without the LeakGuard Core(tm) or Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts.

But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing?

As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from Aunt Flo.

Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her husband's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in capri pants. Which brings me to the reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words:

"Have a Happy Period."

Are you kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness-actual smiling, laughing happiness-is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable?

Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and KahlĂșa and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreens armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man. If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong"? Or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your accounting department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending crap. And that's a promise I will keep.

Best Always,

Wendi Aarons Austin, TX


Marianne Arkins said...

"Have A Happy Period"? It does NOT say that... does it?


Michele said...

Um, Actually, I'm not sure, I did see some writing on one recently and I think it was silly stuff, but to tell you the truth, I don't pay that much attention.

The scene is usually; rip off the slippery paper, expose the sticky strip, slap in on, get off the pot and run after my troublemakers.
Who's got time to read Pads?

Brandy said...

Good Grief! Happy Period? WTHeck were the product makers thinking? I can guess there were no women on that committee!

Shesawriter said...


I just did a post on similar to this. But it was about my website, not my blog. I've been getting strange hits from government agencies around the world, and I think I finally figured out why. :-)