Crash and Burn

Did you ever have a day where the end didn't end? When you stopped moving but your head kept spinning? Where you looked back and asked "Where did it go?"

Surely in a day like that, something happened that you wished it hadn't, or that you could have done differently.

See my hand raised? Today counts as one of those.

I was up just after 5:30AM. Why? Your guess is as good as mine. I certainly didn't want to be up before the sun.

I had stayed up late (12:20AM) to try to get in most of the latest in the Black Dagger Brotherhood Series by J. R . Ward - I finished it ...well, that comes later, but before I forget, I will go on record as stating that all the hoopla about Vishous and Butch is silly. I totally "got" what J. R. wrote and enjoyed the story as written. One line by Butch says it all; connected the feelings and emotions and made it plausible and solid.
How did everyone miss that?

Anyway, today was work.
At work I got a call. My son is now being treated for depression on top of Aspergers.
No. I'm not surprised.

At 8 yrs old he was diagnosed but there were so many things going on at the time, what with his epilepsy, ADD and med changes - the depression wasn't deep enough to medicate.
The next two years had teachers mentioning the word, but never followed up.
They wrung their hands and cooed yet no real red flags went up.

During those years, the epilepsy changed. It morphed from a single location to engulfing his entire brain. Neurologists are seeing more of that phenomenon and they don't know why.

Again, medications were being tweaked and blood was drawn. He's an expert now, doesn't even flinch.

We needed a calm period - a time for no changes to see, really see him as his is.
That came this year.

So, it came to pass that he has Aspergers, which as of last post, you already know.

But the depression has followed him and hasn't changed. Praise Be, it has not gotten worse. But, it's gone on long enough. We now have clinical proof in addition to the historical proof that it is real.

He'll start new meds tomorrow.

Then,

From work to home
Race to trumpet lessons
Race back home , Cook supper but no chance to eat..put it on low and rush out again to bring youngest to the library.
The Paws For Reading Program started tonight and he got to read to the cute black and white dog that does tricks.
Rush back home, inhale two tacos
Rush out to the book reading by John Robison.

Yep, I made it. I went and I'm now the proud owner of his book AND it's signed. Woot!

I didn't have too many questions. Heck I didn't ask a one. I sat there and absorbed.
I found myself smiling at his stories but I don't think I LOL'd in a robust manner like I'd heard around me. I envied that. I was so into listening that my response seemed dulled.

I did raise my hand as the last person to pipe up. Told Mr. Robison that my son was diagnosed last week and how listening to him, hearing what he had to say, was a light for me.

And you know what? I felt like I crashed and burned. I knew that I'd get all flustered and hot in the face. I raised my hand anyway. And I felt my comments to be so ineffectual.

So, I got in line to have my book signed. A first for me. It was kind of cool but I still felt like a fish out of water.

Upon my turn, I had a two pronged mission. First to clarify the one piece of advice he shared that I felt would mean the most to my son. There was so much to take in but this one thing struck a chord for me.
I understood right, so now I have a new goal to set and reach.

The second was a bold and brash thing to do.

Previously, I had told my favorite librarian, Jennifer, the coordinator behind the Paws for Reading program, that I was going to attend my first book reading and why and her eyes lit up like an excited and hopeful kid.
She hurried into her office and came out with her business card, gushing about how wonderful it would be if Mr. Robison could speak about his book and Aspergers to our community. AND would I ask him and give him her card.

ME??? Me, talk to someone up-in-coming-famous and ask him to consider speaking at our library?
Isn't there some kind of protocol to follow for something like that?
Heck, I don't know, but for Jennifer I'd do it.
I did it.

Crash and Burn.

I have my book, my memories of a moment in time not to be forgotton. Just to make sure, I'm here blogging about it because this is one day, as crazy and filled with life as it gets, that I don't want to forget.