Friday, January 20, 2006

Laugh with me or at me

May I share a Milestone that I've reached in my life as of this past Wednesday?

I sent this already to my friends and family. I received absolutely NO sympathy. In fact, I received mostly "Join the Club!" "Welcome to R.E.A.L. Life!" "Welcome to my world" and "You've got to be kidding, I've had those for years!" (this , from my LITTLE sister !)

I've reached a milestone in my life.

I found my FIRST gray hair.

Just thought you'd like to laugh with me.
Ha ha......**pout**

I believe this moment needs to be addressed with all it sombre and serious ramifications. Create a diversion!!!

While she was "flying" down the road yesterday (10 miles over the limit), a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked,
"What's your hurry?"
To which she replied, "I'm late for work."
"Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"
"I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.

The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"
"Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch, until it's about 6 feet wide."

"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" he asked.

"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."

Traffic Ticket $95.00
Court Costs. $45.00

The Look on Cop's Face.


Now some "dated" jokes about Love, Courtship and other odds and sundry:
"What's wrong Henry?" asked his wife.
"My razor," boomed the voice in the bathroom. "It doesn't cut at all!"
Don't be silly. Your beard can't be tougher than linoleum."
"Does your wife really obey you?"
"Sometimes." When I say, 'Go ahead and never mind me,' she always does."

He says " You are always wishing for what you haven't got."
She says "Well, what else can one wish for?"


Hubby- "The bank has returned that check."
Wifey -"Isn't that splendid! What can we buy with it this time?"

MOM- "What did your father say when he saw his broken pipe?"
Kid - "Shall I leave out the swear-words, Mom?"
Mom - "Certainly!"
Kid - Then I don't think he said anything."


Lawyer - "Well, if you want my honest opinion --"
Client -"NO,no. I want your professional advice."
The great difference between learning to drive a car and to play golf is that in one case youhit everything, and in the other you hit nothing.
"Yes, my husband's laid up, a victim of football."
"But I didn't know he even played the game."
"He doesn't . He sprained his larynx at the match last Saturday."
On a note of truth::
Samuel Johnson is quoted as saying, "Abuse is often of service. There is nothing so dangerous to an author a silence. "
Quote from Oliver Wendell Holmes:
"What a blessed thing it is that nature, when she invented, manufactured and patented her authors, contrived to make critics out of the chips that were left!! "
Actor - A man who tries to be everthing but himself.
Experience - The name men give to their mistakes.
Public Speaking - The art of diluting a two-minute idea with a two hour vocabulary.

And finally:
It was once remarked to Lord Chesterfield that man is the only creature endowed with the power of laughter.
"True," said the peer, "and you may add, perhaps, that he is the only creature that deserves to be laughed at."

'nuf said.

Hopefully, something distracted you from my new color hue.
Have a great day!!


Trista Bane said...

I sympathize. I just noticed a few myself (I've been in denial).

Oh, and that first joke-- was PRICELESS! LMAO!

Anonymous said...

The cop joke was hilarious! Also, I really appreciated the Samuel Johnson quote.

Robin Caroll said...

I started getting gray at TWENTY. 20, do you hear? So nope, you'll get no sympathy from me. Not happening! But I CAN give you some hints about good colors! :)

I love the jokes! I needed them again today. I'm finding when I hit a rough patch in my writing, I zip over to your blog to get my chuckle. Funny how rejections don't sting as bad when you're laughing! So mucho thanks!

Robin Caroll said...

You know, you don't post much about your writing on here...WHAT do you write? LOL

Brandy said...

Love the jokes! The quotes are quite thought provoking. Need some advice. Local writers hub is having a contest (2 actually). One for short story. The other for poetry. I thought I might enter the poetry one. Whatcha think?

Michele said...

Thanks, Trista :-)
Glad you enjoyed the joke! My SIL just sent it to me this AM and I couldn't post it fast enough.
I love jokes that surprise you in the end pun intended, LOL.

Jason! Hi!
*nodding head*, yeah, I thought if a writer saw the quote, it might strike a chord. Glad you liked it.

Hello , Robin!
Oh Wow, that is really sweet of you to say! (about my blog being a bright beacon, not about the gray hair)
Gee, what do I write, besides my blog? and comments on Blogs?
I've started at least 3 stories..romantic suspense, but didn't connect. There's one where the prolog is complete and I love it, but I realized that a character I wanted to add, I wasn't sure of, so I've been reading research books. Took copious notes and now have to pick the attributes that equate with who and what I want this character to be. Any writing I've done in the past has always been bent towards the darkness. I think I took a quiz that said I was appropriate for Gothic Romance and my role model should be Brahm Stoker..imagine that!
By the same token, I don't like heavy, ponderous stories, so humor is a factor too. So, Robin, did I answer your question without answering?? LOL
Thanks for asking :-)

Brandy, go with the poetry!
didn't you post one of your own on your blog once? I remember it being enjoyable to read.
Go For It!!!
How exciting! Keep us posted!

Robin Caroll said...

Hey Michele, check out the book, 45 Master Characters. It ROCKS! :)

Michele said...

I looked it up at it the one by Victoria Lynn Schmidt?
I sent an email and put in a "Do you have" at this little used book store I like to visit and buy from when I'm in the area. If she has it, I'd like to give her my business. It sounds VERY useful!
Thanks for the info, Robin.

Robin Caroll said...

It's AWESOME! Has made me take my characterization to the next level. Well, in my revisions for the editor anyway! LOL Since I had to revise it anyhoo...why not implement what I learned? lol Same author has another book I just got...Story Structure Architect...I've just started it, but it's already very educational!

Annalee Blysse said...

I found my first gray hair at 12! No kidding. Just one or two through high school.

Shesawriter said...

On gray hair ...

The more I pluck the suckers out, the more come back. ARGH!


Michele said...

Robin, thanks for the tip. My little store didn't have it, so once I budget for it, Amazon it is.

No Way! Annalee! That is the earliest yet! Maybe it wasn't a gray hair, but an albino???

Tanya, do you mean to tell me that the Old Wives tale is TRUE?!! Oh No! I pulled the offending strand out!! Criminey, the next one is going to have twins.