Thursday, February 09, 2006

Can it be true? The week is almost over!

My goodness. Blogland has been busy with quite a few people posting that they've had rotten news during the week. Some have received a disproportionate amount of "Blues News".

It was my intent to share the many books I've read lately. I do have quite the list this time. However, I believe that I will postpone my previously intended post and continue with nonsense and lightness to help those that visit get through the rest of the week.

This is funny, IMHO , AND it is probably one that many of you have seen already. But, since we all deal with computers in one fashion or another, still find amusing

So, Sit back and read a bit, let it all hang out and maybe excercise a smile muscle or two:

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0.

I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a alot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity applications such as:
Golf 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6.

I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in thebackground while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0.
Please help!
A Troubled User.

Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that
it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!!

It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0.
It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this.
Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings -Alimony-Child Support.
I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation.
I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE
because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.
Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.
However, be very careful how you use these programs.
Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5.
Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !

DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support
OR Did You Ever Wonder...
WHY is it that doctors call what they do practice?
Where do forest rangers go when they want to get away from it all?
Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?

For those that want something a little brainy and historical, may I present this:

Rooting for a Cure

THROUGH THE AGES, humans have discovered different ways to treat common ailments:
2000 B.C.—Here, eat this root.
1000 A.D.—That root is heathen. Say this prayer.
1850 A.D.—That prayer is superstition. Drink this potion.
1940 A.D.—That potion is snake oil. Swallow this pill.
1980 A.D.—That pill is ineffective. Take this antibiotic.
2000 A.D.—That antibiotic is ineffective. Here, eat this root.

Like they say, what goes around, comes around, yes?

Oh, this is bad!

There is a lost dog in our neighborhood who has strayed away from her owner.

The dog is a dark brown Chihuahua With a white stomach.

The owner is heartbroken and is willing to pay a generous reward for the dog's safe return.

She is currently putting up posters in your area. Please be on the lookout for this dog whose name is "PRECIOUS."

A picture of the dog and owner is attached.

I hope this post gets you through the next day or so.


Avindair said...

okay, the last picture made me chuckle.

Thanks Michele. :)

Michele said...

Your welcome, Avindair!!!!
I listed enough that I'd hoped something would work.

Robin Caroll said...

Hilarous! I kid you not, that last pix made me roll! :)

Michele said...

Awesome, Robin.
Now that's what I was hoping to hear.
I posted the best for last.

Brandy said...

LOVE THESE! I want Dh to read the Operating System one, I'm going to grab him later and make him read it. And, um, other stuff! B.

Shesawriter said...

Thanks for the laugh! I can't believe that photo! I had a cartoon drawing of it a few years back, but I never knew a real photograph existed. (g)


Corina Bowen said...

too funny!!

Lynetta said...

Hi Michele,
I ambled over from Robin's blog.
The cartoon is too much! (I'm still laughing). Our neighbor has a chihuahua and it's forever getting loose and running the neighborhood. Maybe I should show her this pic...

Michele said...

LOL, Brandy! You're making me wonder about the "other stuff", **giggle** Glad you enjoyed the post.

You are always welcome, Tanya!
Really? There was a cartoon? I think seeing it for real provides further truth to the statement:
"Truth IS stranger than fiction."

Thanks, Corina! Always good the hear from you. :-)

Hi and Welcome, Lynetta!
LOL about your neighborhood chihuahua! Glad you stopped by today. Thanks!