Thursday, February 02, 2006

Just got this in my email box. Time to share

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.
So I said "Implants?"
She hit me.

How come we choose from just two people to run for president
and over fifty for Miss America?

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...
but,a true friend will be sitting next to you saying,
"Wow...that was fun!"

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wearloose-fitting clothing.
If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping,"
now I just "chunky dunk."

Don't argue with an idiot;
people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life
we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?

AMEN, AMEN !!Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school,
but they can in prison?

Wouldn't you know it... Brain cells come and brain cells go,
but FAT cells live forever.

Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court
when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?

Bumper sticker of the year:"If you can read this, thank a teacher
-and, since it's in English, thank a soldier"

Another important message from the Email Warning Box:

Ladies Beware -

New Scam

This new scam is being pulled mainly on women who are past the age of giving a running pursuit. What happens is that when the intended victim stops at a red light, an almost NUDE, good looking, tanned, muscled young man comes up to her car and pretends to wash the windshield. While he is doing this, another young, handsome athletic man opens the back door of the car, jumps in and insists the woman drive off with him to some lonely spot, where he has his way with her. They are very good at this.
They got me three times Friday and five times Saturday.
I couldn't find them on Sunday.

In the spirit of good will to all the stressed out people in cyber world, here's a piece of good advice:
(disclaimer..this is tongue in cheek you know)

Inner Peace

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me, and we all could use more calm in our lives.

By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil show, I have finally found inner peace.

Dr. Phil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started.

So I looked around my house to see things I started and hadn't finished; and, before leaving the house this morning I finished off:

A bottle of Merlot, a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Baileys, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of both Prozac and Valium prescriptions, the rest of the cheesecake, some potato chips and a box of Chocolates.You have no idea how freakin' good I feel.


Please pass this on to those you feel are in need of inner peace.
**************************************************************************************
I guess that about covers it all- yes?
Have a great day and I hope you find your own version of 'inner peace' (at least one that you'd survive anyway **grin**)

10 comments:

Brandy said...

Loving them. Especially the 'Guess'? Hahahaha!

Savannah Jordan said...

hehehehe

You put my email in there! :)

I love the 'Guess' one, too!

Michele said...

Ah! a happy reader..Thanks Brandy! *grin*


LOL, Yes indeed, A !, When an email is "good", I have to share it. Thanks for thinking of me!

Judson Knight said...

These were great, Michele! I think my favorite one was the vicious scam being perpetrated against women by tanned, athletic hunks. And one quote made me think of a great piece of wisdom dispensed long ago by George Carlin: "What's the difference between an idiot and a maniac? When you're driving, anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anybody going faster is a maniac." Thanks for making us all smile!

Robin Caroll said...

LOL....good ones, Michele! Now let's see, what do I need to "finish" this morning? LOLOL

Michele said...

Hi, Judson! I remember that George Carlin wisdom, LOL!
Still classically good.
Happy to hear that I got a smile outta ya. :-)

BTW-What in the Wide Wide World of Sports got you curious enough to check out my other blog?! I had to pick up my jaw off of the floor when I realized you found it, LOL!!

*giggle*..so, Robin, did you find anything to "finish"?
**high five to me** Got you to "LOL", another successful post. Love it when that happens.

Happy to have you visit. Have a great weekend, Robin!

Robin Caroll said...

Actually I finished a ms and resent to an agent! :) But the dr pepper and smokes are still working in me! :) Have a great weekend, girl, and I'll catch ya on the flip side!

Judson Knight said...

Why did I visit your [ahem] other blog? Could be the fact that you posted a link on the main page of your blog, with an invitation to "test the spare tire." So I thought, "Surely Michele has reserved this other blog for the most erudite, spiritual, and discerning of her commentary, thoughts of such purity and poise they would be lost on the average reader." Instead, I found more beefcake than in a whole meat-packing plant! You go, girl!

Michele said...

Judson!!

ROTFLMAO!!!
I think I giggled and chuckled for a full 2 minutes after I read
"I found more beefcake than in a whole meat-packing plant! You go, girl"

Yeah, I guess if you thought I'd be "Erudite and Spiritual", that MUST of been a shock!!!
**snicker/snort**
Hey, I did "write a short scene" for a few. I was communing with a muse. That the muse was more like Bacchus on a binge can't be helped. **LOL!**

Do you realize , you are the ONLY person to find that site by that link?
I think I told two other female authors about it, but only you were brave enough to notice.
Thanks!

Judson Knight said...

Well, thanks--it was so hard to find that link, positioned as it was at the top of your blog ;-) Kinda makes me think of Poe's "Case of the Purloined Letter," in which, after an exhaustive search, the letter was located in the most obvious place imaginable.

For all the ladies (and, as I said on the other blog itself, some of the guys) who read your main blog, all I can say is that you owe it to yourself to visit Michele's "secret" world. Even though what I saw there didn't trip my own trigger (boring hetero male here), it did inspire me to do a few extra pull-ups and push-ups. Maybe someday I can make good on the spirit of my running joke that the guy on the cover of Deidre's Parallel Attraction is her hubby ;-)