Hello and Happy Saturday!
After much thought and consideration, I decided to share my prologue from the thread that got away.
I had rewritten it at least four times. I liked each sucessive attempt, thinking it did get better but not having an in-the-know critque expert, I write in the dark and am never sure or confident.
I find that my initial draft qualifies me as a minimalist. Very sparse in descriptive background. I never thought I'd say this, but, I'm AFRAID of putting too much description!
I have the feeling that I'd get lost in all those words - but you know what? I got lost anyway. So , I'm being a "Chicken Little" ... perhaps just going with the flow is a healther way to be. (?)
Read it and cringe: ( or double over in laughter from how juvenile this is):
In the cloud dappled autumn moonlight, a lone figure walked erratically within shadows of despair. Barely visible, she wore a patchwork patterned leather duster whose colors were curious shades of tan, brown and beige. The coat’s panels were held together with a clumsy and inconsistent whipstitch lending the garment a macabre and discordant air. An upturned collar partially hid the host’s face; scraggly shoulder length hair limply slid forward to obscure the rest. Hunched shoulders spoke of defeat or fear but no emotions registered on her face. A hand, chapped from exposure , with its maroon tipped nails chipped, ragged and pealing, lifted up and weakly caressed the opposite sleeve lovingly, sensuously, then slowly glided over to the front to fondle the oddly shaped bone buttons before sliding back to the sleeve.
The host always had an almost unnatural love of the coat.
Gradually, footsteps became plodding, slow and uneven as the host headed towards a wild expanse of brush and weeds growing alongside a rusted chain link fence near the rear of an abandoned warehouse.
Physical discomfort seemed unacknowledged to the point where awareness appeared nonexistent. As the lone figure in the odd coat slowly sank to the ground, the duster revealed itself as being unfinished. One last leather panel needed to be obtained to complete its goal. The host sat silently, unmindful of ripped stockings, tattered dress and bloody feet while continuing to caress the sleeve as though touching a lost friend, a comfort, a soothing.
The motion slowed, grew halting, then stopped. A breath, gentle in strength, heavy in despair passed the victim’s dry, cracked and bleeding lips, sending a sigh of farewell into the night.
The last glimpse of movement was of a lone tear tracking a dusty path down the side of the corpse’s now tranquil face while half-opened grey blue eyes stared in a lifeless gaze. Within the void of lifelessness, the sound of creaking leather could be heard, yet the body remained still. A movement, a shift, a sliding, the duster now covered the body while emitting a low hum as a yellowish grey mist rose over and around the inert form. Gradually, the hum faded, the hazy cloud dissipated revealing a corpse with its frontal portion of skin removed. Alongside the victim, a patchwork duster lay on the ground.
A short time later, a homeless man, jacket worn thin and patched stumbled upon the body.
Horrified by the grisly sight and stench of death, he started backing away. A shadow of color carried on a chilled wind wrapped itself around his legs, swirled up his body with a deathly cold finger to graze his neck.
Shivering, he stopped and looked around quickly. Gingerly, he crept forward, crouched down and picked up the coat.
“ It’s not like yer gonna need this anymore.“ he mused aloud.
He shook the coat to it’s full length. “ And would ya look at this beauty. A perfectly good coat, all nice and solid like.“
He tossed his tattered jacket to the ground and shrugged his bony arms into the sleeves.
“Yup,- just perfect.“
I've been thinking of switching the word "color" for "yellow" in keeping with the glow that covered the body.
I'll also admit that a few changes I've made, have come from a wonderful blog buddy to whom I am SO grateful to for being willing to even read this, never mind the valuable input.
Keep in mind that the entire prologue came from a dream It was SO detailed that it moved me to put it in words.
I just wish that I'd have dreamt more than just this tiny part. Anything that came after I had to conciously think of.
So, that's all folks.
Jason mentioned my overuse of adverbs and such. Anyone want to point out some glaring examples from this excerpt? I can't zero in on what could be cut. Maybe if I "saw" an example, I can comprehend and get a grip on things better that way.
I'm a visual learner anway.
Again, Thanks, Jason!
And Blogger still won't let me post a picture...rats.