Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Will You Miss Me?

Hiatus time again.
I'll be a non-blogger until early next week.
Once more I have to deprive myself of your visits, your comments as well as your own blogs that I enjoy visiting and commenting upon.
I'll miss you, will you miss me?

I was going to leave you with images, if Blogger cooperated that is, But I'm going have to use the lovely Picasa. Which means the pics will be on top of this post. Grrrrr....

But first some brain info/tests/ things that will take awhile. You may have to pop back in more than once - I wouldn't want to read it all in one sitting, I most certainly can't expect you to, right?

The Center for Disease Control has released a list of symptoms of bird flu.
If you experience any of the
following, please seek medical treatment immediately:

1. High fever
2. Congestion
3. Nausea
4. Fatigue
5. Aching in the joints
6. An irresistible urge to shit on someone's windshield.
Scary Test for Dementia

Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question.
You have to answer them instantly.
You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately . OK?

Let's find out just how clever you really are.... Ready? GO!!!

First Question: You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person.
What position are you in?
If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong!
If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!

Try not to screw up next time.

Now answer the second question, but don't take as much time as you took for the first question, OK ?

Second Question:
If you overtake the last person, then you are...?
If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again.
Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person? You're not very good at this, are you?

Third Question:
Very tricky arithmetic!
Note: This must be done in your head only .
Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.
Take 1000 and add 40 to it.
Now add another 1000 . Now add 30 .
Add another 1000 .
Now add 20 .
Now add another 1000
Now add 10 .
What is the total?

Did you get 5000?
The correct answer is actually 4100.
If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator!

Today is definitely not your day, is it?
Maybe you'll get the last question right.... ....Maybe.

Fourth Question:

Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono.
What is the name of the fifth daughter?

Did you Answer Nunu? NO! Of course it isn't.

Her name is Mary. Read the question again!
Okay, now the bonus round:

A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done. Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants? > He just has to open his mouth and ask...
It's really very simple.... Like you!

A Woman"

This is written in the Hebrew Talmud, the bookwhere all of the sayings and preaching of Rabbis are conserved over time.

It says: "Be very careful if you make a woman cry, because God counts her tears. The woman came out of a man's rib.

Not from his feet to be walked on. Not from his head to be superior, but
from the side to be equal. Under the arm to be protected,
and next to the heart to be loved."

Pass this on to all exceptional women that you know.. and to men so they know the value of a woman.

Subject: Unsafe at any Speed

A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his wife's birthday...His wife told him,

"Tomorrow there'd better be something in the driveway for me that goes zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat".

The next morning the wife found a small package on the driveway...
When she opened the package, she found a brand new bathroom scale.

Funeral arrangements for the husband have been set for Saturday.

This morning on the Interstate,

I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Cadillac doing 65 mph
with her face up next to her rear view mirror
putting on her eyeliner.

I looked away for a couple seconds

and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane,
still working on that makeup.

As a man, I don't scare easily. But she scared me so much;
I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand.

In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel,

it knocked my cell phone away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs,

splashed, and burned Big Jim and the Twins,

ruined the damn phone, soaked my trousers,

and disconnected an important call.

Damn women drivers!!!

Hopefully somewhere, with all these words - they somehow made you either cringe, chuckle, smirk, smile or groan. The one thing I hope they did NOT do, was bore you.

Hope to see y'all when I return!


Brandy said...

Never could understand putting on make-up in the car!

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