Just got this in my email box. Time to share

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.
So I said "Implants?"
She hit me.

How come we choose from just two people to run for president
and over fifty for Miss America?

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...
but,a true friend will be sitting next to you saying,
"Wow...that was fun!"

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wearloose-fitting clothing.
If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping,"
now I just "chunky dunk."

Don't argue with an idiot;
people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life
we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?

AMEN, AMEN !!Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school,
but they can in prison?

Wouldn't you know it... Brain cells come and brain cells go,
but FAT cells live forever.

Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court
when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?

Bumper sticker of the year:"If you can read this, thank a teacher
-and, since it's in English, thank a soldier"

Another important message from the Email Warning Box:

Ladies Beware -

New Scam

This new scam is being pulled mainly on women who are past the age of giving a running pursuit. What happens is that when the intended victim stops at a red light, an almost NUDE, good looking, tanned, muscled young man comes up to her car and pretends to wash the windshield. While he is doing this, another young, handsome athletic man opens the back door of the car, jumps in and insists the woman drive off with him to some lonely spot, where he has his way with her. They are very good at this.
They got me three times Friday and five times Saturday.
I couldn't find them on Sunday.

In the spirit of good will to all the stressed out people in cyber world, here's a piece of good advice:
(disclaimer..this is tongue in cheek you know)

Inner Peace

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me, and we all could use more calm in our lives.

By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil show, I have finally found inner peace.

Dr. Phil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started.

So I looked around my house to see things I started and hadn't finished; and, before leaving the house this morning I finished off:

A bottle of Merlot, a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Baileys, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of both Prozac and Valium prescriptions, the rest of the cheesecake, some potato chips and a box of Chocolates.You have no idea how freakin' good I feel.


Please pass this on to those you feel are in need of inner peace.
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I guess that about covers it all- yes?
Have a great day and I hope you find your own version of 'inner peace' (at least one that you'd survive anyway **grin**)